Persuasion
by rebeccaofsbfarm
Summary: AU. Logan still regrets letting himself be persuaded into breaking up with Kendall, so what will happen when circumstances force them back together again? Will Kendall ever forgive him for breaking his heart? A modern retelling of Jane Austen.
1. Chapter 1

_This story is completely based around the storyline of Jane Austen's _Persuasion_. Characters have been lost, picked up, and changed, and most names have been either modernized or replaced as necessary. The modernization has changed a lot about the story, but it's still a little slow moving for modern tastes. You've been warned._

_Also, I would like to say that though I've never written a story under this name before, I'm not new here. I've found that I work best under pressure, and the best kind of pressure you could possibly give me is constant reviews. I also hope that you enjoy what I come up with. I love Jane Austen with all of my heart, and I will do my best not to insult her story._

**- One -**

Logan Mitchell sometimes wondered if moving out of his mother's house a few years ago had been worth it. Ever since, when he wasn't spending time at his mother's house, he was on the phone with her, unable to get a word in edgewise between the jabs at his singlehood.

"Yes mother, I'm sure she's a nice girl, but I really don't think she's what I'm looking for…" he tried, to which his mother replied curtly, "You're almost thirty. What you should be looking for is a heartbeat."

Logan was looking for a companion, a lifelong lover, as one should. His mother, on the other hand, looked for dollar signs. Her newest conquest for her son was the heiress to a multimillion dollar company based near their home in Los Angeles. He could have told his mother that he'd gone to school with the girl, and she'd spent the two years they'd walked the halls of Henderson Prep insulting his every movement. He had no interest in pursuing a relationship that would cause him to hate his own existence.

He could tell from his mother's voice that she was winding down, the exhaustion of disappointment finally getting to her. He calmly reminded her that he was still young, and that he would find someone, but only someone that made him happy. She scoffed, but sent him her love before hanging up.

He went to turn on the TV, but his vision was blocked by a stack of pizza boxes piled on the coffee table. It's not that he couldn't cook, or that he disliked cooking, he simply forgot to shop for groceries, and saw no point in making an entire meal just for himself.

He actually made a mean risotto when called upon, but the last time he had put that much effort into dinner had been while he was still dating…nevermind.

But once the thought entered his head, he couldn't make it leave. The thoughts of the almost-year long relationship he'd kept up, unbeknownst to his family and friends. It'd had to be that way from the beginning, they both knew that. Nobody would be able to accept that Logan was in love…with a man.

For a year, he'd hung out with his "friend" Kendall, all the time advancing their relationship in private. Kendall had been the reason for moving out of his mother's, though in her mind it was simply age. He'd been almost twenty-three, and even in the constraints of his mother's lavish home, he couldn't stand the extravagance of it all.

Logan had family money, lots of it actually. It was enough to keep the family in comfort for years without an income. His mother had no intention of working, and his father had died when he was much younger, leaving the family with enough money of course, but without grounding. He loved his mother, but she was flippant, a trophy wife turned widow. He never quite knew what their finances looked like, but he knew it wasn't good.

It was this money that meant his mother could actually tell him what to do. It was his allowance from her that paid for his apartment, comfortable, but still bigger than average. He'd given thought to a career, going so far as to receive certification as an EMT, but his mother disapproved, so he kept his certification without actually using it.

He smirked before he could stop himself, remembering when he'd played Doctor with Kendall. He bit his lip as the mental image of Kendall's smirk as he bent over to "give him mouth-to-mouth" came back, more vibrant than it had ever been. He subconsciously moved his hand toward his groin, remembering just how thorough the examination had been.

His breath caught in his throat when his phone went off, reminding him that he shouldn't be thinking about those things. It was his own damn fault. They'd probably be married by now had he not broken it off. He gave himself an instant thought of what it would be like to be married to Kendall, before reminding himself that he had to answer the phone. He picked it up on the last ring.

"Logan dear, please tell me I'm interrupting something?" said an elderly voice into the receiver. Logan rolled his eyes.

There was only one person more anxious than his mother when it came to finding a girlfriend, and that person was his Great Aunt Elinor. She was his father's aunt, and as such was one of his few remaining connections to his father. Elinor Mitchell was either a lonely old bat or a lovely woman, depending on who you talked to, but to Logan she was almost everything. Sure, she was wrong about a lot of things, but she cared more than anyone else did, which was worth something.

"Hello Aunt Elinor, and how are you tonight?" he asked, smiling at the bickering nature of their relationship.

"Old, as usual," she said without malice. "I was actually hoping I would get your answering machine. It's a Friday night after all. Weren't you seeing somebody just recently?"

Logan rolled his eyes. His mother and aunt were in competition as to who could set him up on the most blind dates, and that's all they ever were.

"What was her name…" she insisted, and Logan thought back to a few weeks ago, when she had set him up with a model from Australia. Though he'd enjoyed the date, the vibe had been off and he hadn't seen her since.

"Tess, Auntie, her name was Tess. She was very nice, and she also moved back to Sydney last week," he said, standing up to go to the counter of his stainless steel kitchen. He put the phone on speaker and set it on the counter, opening cupboards to find his stash of peanut butter, and the empty fridge to grab the last few slices of bread.

"Oh well. Does she happen to have any attractive single friends?" his aunt prodded. When he didn't answer she said, "Logan, you know I just want what's best for you."

"I know Auntie, it's just…" he hesitated to bring it up, because he knew she would get defensive. "I just don't think the problem is finding the right girl."

He heard her scoff, before she said, in a higher voice that the rest, "Oh dear, not this again…"

It had been a mistake to tell Aunt Elinor about Kendall. He knew that much now. But he'd had to tell someone when it started getting serious. She responded just about as well as he thought, telling him he was going through a phase. He just hadn't found the right girl yet, she'd said. And according to her, Kendall wasn't going anywhere. He was a broke musician living off of Logan's money. Logan hadn't believed any of it, but when Aunt Elinor threatened to keel over and disown him, he made the hardest decision of his life, and broke things off with Kendall.

He could tell that he'd broken Kendall's heart, as well as his own, when he'd broken up with him. A part of him had understood that after losing his father, Logan couldn't just up and leave the rest of his family. Still, he could tell that he'd wanted Logan to fight for him; to fight for _them_. Deep down, so did Logan. After Logan had asked the compulsory, "Can we still be friends?" Kendall had shaken his head and left. The next thing Logan knew, Kendall was in New York recording his first album.

"You know, he's got a new album out. It's at the top of the charts," he said dreamily. He walked over to his stereo system and picked up the empty case, Kendall's face staring at him from the front cover.

He could tell his aunt was irritated, but in this area she deserved all the I-told-you-so's he could muster. After all, she'd been the one to say it wasn't worth getting involved with a broke musician. Now Kendall was one of the most popular artists in the country, and had more money than his family had ever touched.

"You didn't buy it did you?" she asked, already aware of the answer. "I'm telling you, I don't care if he's popular, I still don't think he can sing worth a damn."

"I have to disagree with you Aunt Elinor," he argued simply, remembering the sound of Kendall's fingertips as they brushed the strings, the way he'd bite his lip when he figured out another lyric, scribbling it down quickly before it escaped him, and the way he closed up as soon as he began working on his music. The first single he'd had on the charts had been written on Logan's leather couch, and Logan glanced over, remembering the way he'd run out of the bedroom to his guitar, scribbling lyrics on the back of a phone bill.

His aunt paused for a moment and waited, but he had nothing to add, so she continued, "Well, since you're being my insubordinate nephew once again, I'm going to get back to QVC. I intend to leave you nothing with the way you treat me. It's all going to the lovely people on the Home Shopping Network."

She was being sarcastic. He knew that nothing he did would ever make his aunt stop loving him. Except the rare chance he'd end up married to Kendall. But all of a sudden he remembered the hurt in Kendall's eyes when he'd asked to be friends and knew he was shooting a dead horse in the face.

"I love you Auntie," he added, and he could tell she was smiling.

She sighed, "If you did you'd visit me more often. What are you doing tomorrow?"

At her age, Aunt Elinor should have been in hospice years ago, but she had just enough income to stay in her home, with a nurse that checked in on her a few times a day. He never argued her situation with her, because nobody in the world was as stubborn as Aunt Elinor could be, and besides, she was too independent to ever let people take care of her. He really did visit her a couple times a week, but they both knew she was lonely and wanted the company.

"I was going to head over to Maria's if you want to come with me?" he offered, knowing she would never take him up on it.

"Oh god," she said, before she could stop herself. "I can't take that brat of hers, Charlie. And on top of that, I can't take her kids either."

He laughed at her critique of his cousin-in-law, and promised that he would stop by to see her before he went over to his cousin's house. She told him she'd see him tomorrow, before going to bed at the moderately late hour of ten.

He really loved his family, all of them. Maria had grown up with him, and she was more like a sister than a cousin to him, but her husband and his family were a little much. Even his patience wore thin around them, and age had taken away whatever patience Aunt Elinor had once had. Aside from Charlie, who was generally arrogant and tactless, there were his parents, Matthew and Theresa Groves, who though kind, had to be involved in everyone else's business. Their other child, Lucy, was a nice enough girl, but Logan was tired of having her thrown at him by every one of the Groves, including his cousin Maria.

Charlie and Maria's kids were cute though, yes a little bratty, but what else would you get from kids that were spoiled rotten by their grandparents, who lived only next door. Matthew Groves was a realtor, a good one, and had procured two large houses next to each other. All three generations of the family were almost inseparable, and Logan was one of the few people accepted into that fold.

Being around the Groves made Logan think of one day having a family of his own. He'd always wanted kids, and he and Kendall had even spoken about it a few times. With that thought, his mind was back on Kendall. Knowing he'd hate himself for it, he pulled up a video on his phone of Kendall covering a song by Gotye called "Somebody That I Used To Know". It wasn't dedicated to anyone, but Logan knew that it was meant for him, from the pain in his eyes when he looked toward the camera to the way his voice broke as he sang the higher parts. Before the video was over, he was forced to stop it to wipe his tears.

_It's your fault. _He told himself. _You can try to blame Aunt Elinor and your mother all you want, but there were only two people here when you told him you wanted to be friends. You're the one who broke his heart. Only you._

Logan tried his best to think of something else, but every thought he had led back to his lost love somehow. They'd shared everything for a year. Every inch of this apartment held a memory. They'd fallen asleep watching _Star Wars _on his twenty-third birthday, right here. Over at the counter was the first time he'd told Kendall he'd loved him. He blinked back tears when he looked at the kitchen table, where Kendall had looked so happy as he sat down to dinner that night, before becoming concerned for Logan's mood. He held the brunette's hand as he choked out an explanation, before storming out. They never even finished their dinner.

To take his mind off of things, Logan found the remote to the stereo system and turned it up, forgetting that Kendall's CD was still in the dock. The first few lines of his favorite song finished him, and he fell asleep sobbing into the leather of the couch, still able to smell Kendall's cologne on the cushion.

* * *

As expected, that night Logan dreamed heavily of the moments he missed, and now would never have. He woke up with a memory of that final meeting, halfway down the hallway to stop Kendall leaving, but he would never make it. This part of his dream was recurring. At least once a week, he dreamed of stopping all of this from happening, chasing after Kendall, fighting for what they had, but he always woke up before he could.

After waking up and submitting to the fact that his dream could never be real, Logan showered and dressed, getting rid of the sweat that he had from sleeping restlessly on a leather couch. Running downstairs, he stopped for lunch on the way to his Aunt's. By now he knew the order, and took it all to go.

He knew she'd been waiting for him when he saw the curtain move in her front window. By the time he got to the door, she would have taken a turn around the house to keep the appearance that she'd been in back when he arrived.

After a kiss on the cheek, he carried the food out to the back patio, where she'd made lemonade, a rare treat that was probably meant to apologize for the things she'd said the night before. He let her discuss the neighborhood gossip, as well as whatever stories her nurse had told her recently, silently eating his sandwich, his attention half on remembering when the nurse came so he could ask how Aunt Elinor was really doing.

She must have caught his mind wandering, because she pulled him back in with a question he hadn't been expecting, "Logan, dear, you would tell me if you and your mother were having money troubles, wouldn't you?"

He paused, before admitting, "I probably wouldn't know until they repossessed my car to be quite frank. Why, have you heard something?"

"Well it's just, Robert said something to the effect of 'Has Jane come to you yet?' I would think nothing of it, but I've told him time and time again that our accounts are separate, and he shouldn't discuss your finances with me. If he feels the need to speak up, it certainly can't be good."

"Thanks for letting me know," he said, suddenly distracted. What his aunt said was true. Though his mother used the same accountant as his aunt, the accounts were kept very separate. He'd had his own concerns about the state of their finances, and it seemed a fine time to step up to the plate and figure out what was going on. "I'm sorry Auntie, but I should be going. Maria expected me half an hour ago. I'll be back in a few days."

She led him to the door, making him promise to call her that night, which he agreed to. He felt bad for lying to her, but he needed to run by the accountant's before he closed. He didn't want to alarm his aunt, but he truly felt that he needed to figure out what was going on before it could get worse.

Once he persuaded Robert to go through the state of things with him, he knew that he wouldn't be visiting the Groves today. The Mitchell fortune, comprised of his dad's lifetime of good investments, as well as a few of his grandfather's, was nearly gone. Not gone in the sense that they'd be on the streets, but enough that he knew it wouldn't be long before he'd have to trade his Mercedes in for a used Ford Focus.

With copies of the books in hand, he drove over to his mother's house. It was the size of three average-sized houses, and he admitted to himself sadly that it too would probably have to go. When he walked in, his mother was out back sunning herself by the pool. He called her name as he walked out of the screen door, walking to the patio rather than the pool and calling her over.

He pulled a chair out for her to sit down, remaining standing himself, not bothering with niceties before getting down to business, "Mother, how long has this been going on? Robert told me that he's been telling you for months that you'd need to cut back, but you've never even mentioned it to me."

"I didn't find it worth mentioning," she said, sipping from what he estimated was her third margarita of the day.

He grabbed the glass and slammed it down on the table, hard enough that a little sloshed over the sides of the glass, "Mother! This is serious!"

She looked at him, shocked, before calmly responding, "Well I have been cutting back. This swimsuit I'm wearing is from last season."

Logan had to calm himself down, reminding himself that his mother didn't know any better. She'd grown up privileged, and her grasp of simple addition and subtraction probably wasn't too great. He had no qualms about admitting his father had fallen in love with her against all reason, and his attraction for her had been mostly physical. She'd also come from money, and he'd been making major investments at the time. Needless to say, this would be the first time his mother had to cut back on anything.

He sat down next to her and held her hand, "Mother, I don't think you understand. We need to cut back seriously. We can't even afford this pool, let alone this house."

His mother looked genuinely shocked, and he added a quick, "I'm sorry."

"But where are we supposed to live? I can't live on the street Logan. I'd rather die," she said, fear seeping into her expression.

It took everything he had not to roll his eyes. His mother had always leaned toward the melodramatic, and this situation had her at full form.

"Listen, I talked it over with Robert. He thinks we should rent out the house and the apartment, move in with relatives for a while. We'll also have to sell the cars, but we should have enough to buy a couple used cars to suffice," he said, watching as his mother became more and more confused at the idea of cutting back.

"Logie, I don't want to be poor," she said in the voice of a spoiled child. He pulled her into a comforting hug.

"Mama, I think this is best. Fashion Week will be coming up soon, and it's great excuse to get out of town. I think you should go out to New York and live with Aunt Liz. She's been inviting you ever since her last divorce. And if you're in New York, you won't have to hear people talk."

His mother seemed to give into this idea better than he would have thought, but finally asked, "And what about you?"

Logan shrugged, "I'm sure Maria will let me stay in her basement. Plus, that way I can keep track of things around here. I have to make sure we don't have some insane rock star skateboarding in your pool. Especially not after we went through the trouble of putting the mosaic in."

Jane Mitchell gasped a little at the thought of someone else touching the mosaic dolphins at the bottom of her pool, but Logan promised that it would work out for the best. His mother begrudgingly agreed, and called her sister, who agreed with the plan wholeheartedly. Next was Maria, and though Logan gave her few details, she welcomed him whenever he was ready.

Finally, Logan dialed the number of the accounting firm and handed the phone to his mother. She shook her head, a few tears falling down her face. He smiled, and she forced a smile back. As the line connected, Logan reached out and took her hand, "I promise, we can make it through this."

It was what his mother had told him after his father died, and she looked at him with understanding. If they could make it through that, they could make it through a little financial trouble.

Finally, the call went through, and her perky professional voice went on, "Hello Robert, this is Jane Mitchell. Yes, we've discussed the situation and agreed that we will have to make some serious cut backs. Sure, that'd be great. We'll see you in a few minutes."

She turned back to address Logan after the phone call, "Well, he's on his way over here to discuss our options. In the meantime, I'm going to appreciate my dolphins while I can."

He nodded, and she removed her cover up before diving into the swimming pool. Logan knew that this was only the beginning of their troubles, but for now he was content with the idea that things could finally get better. Maybe something good could come out of all of this. Maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm glad people are starting to read this, and I understand the apprehension of picking up on a new story, so I thought I'd give you guys some encouragement with a new chapter. I'm also going to give a shout out to one of my inspirations for this story, _The Lizzie Bennet Diaries _on YouTube. If you like Jane Austen, I suggest you check it out._

_I must encourage you all once again to review, whether you like or dislike the story. Public response is the best fuel for a writer, and your reviews keep me going. Thanks for that. I hope this chapter is even better than the last._

**- Two -**

Logan hopped down from the bed of Charlie's truck, as Charlie took the last bin into the house. It'd been hard to get rid of a lot of things, but he'd left most of the nonessentials in the apartment for the next person who lived there. All of the furniture was high-end, and anybody who argued against the most comfortable sofa on the planet didn't deserve to live in his bachelor pad.

Matthew Groves was handling the real estate end of things, and though he'd shown the house and the apartment to a few interested parties, his personal investment kept him from jumping on any offers. He'd had to sit through Jane's speech on the state of her dolphin mosaic after all.

Finally, Matthew had told Logan that there was a lead. A musician that was based in New York wanted to come to Los Angeles to write his next album, but wasn't sure about buying property. He also wanted to bring his mother and sister out from Minnesota to live near him, and was interested in taking up both properties.

Mr. Groves swore up and down that he had to keep the identity of his client confidential until an offer was made, but Logan's heart dropped as he remembered that Kendall used to talk about his roots in Minnesota. But what were the odds of the cosmos converging like this? It had to be somebody else.

The truck was unpacked, and Logan retreated to his newer used Ford Focus to get the last box out of the trunk. In it were various knick-knacks and picture frames, most of his mother and father, with a few of the Groves and Aunt Elinor thrown in. He took it in, carrying it to the basement before setting it down at the foot of the stairs, unable to move any further. Boxes were stacked from floor to ceiling.

He couldn't have asked for anything better than that little basement. It was finished, with a guest bedroom and bathroom just off the main room. The main room itself had a full kitchen and entertainment area, so it was basically an apartment. Maria had refused to let him pay rent, but he'd promised to make it up to her in cooking, cleaning, and babysitting.

Though he felt like doing anything but, he began unpacking as soon as he could. He knew that if he left anything unpacked, he'd wake up the next morning in a bad mood, and he'd had enough of that lately.

After taking care of five or six boxes, he took a break on the slightly-less-comfortable couch to call his mother as promised. She'd taken a plane to New York the week before. He'd spent the two weeks leading up to her flight convincing her of what she did and did not need to take with her. It was even harder to talk her into selling things, but many of the clothes she had hadn't been worn in years, and the local high-end resale businesses would go nuts. Logan was beginning to find that the lifestyle of a broke homebody suited him more than that of a spoiled rich kid. He even debated the idea of applying for an EMT position, but decided that he'd had enough life changes at the moment, and he'd think of it later on.

After arranging the picture frames along the mantle, Logan convinced himself that he could be happy here. As if to confirm his suspicions, Maria's boys, CJ and Ethan, ran down the stairs, using him to block their battle as Ethan, younger by a year and half, chased his brother in circles. Charlie was soon halfway down the stairs to chide them.

"Boys!" his voice rang out, and the boys stopped in their tracks. "I thought I told you to stay out of the basement. Logan's had a busy day, and he probably doesn't want you little animals in his way."

They both looked up at Logan, and he nodded with a smile, confirming that their dad was right. They looked apologetic, and he tousled their hair before sending them upstairs to tell them he had no hard feelings.

Once he was sure the boys were upstairs, he dropped onto the couch again, this time with remote in hand and decided to watch the news for a change. Instead, a tabloid show was on. He tended to avoid these, knowing too many of the people featured on them, but immediately he recognized the man they'd caught arriving at L.A.X.

"Superstar Kendall Knight arrived today in L.A. Rumor has it that he intends to move out here to record his new album. This comes after the success of his last album, which debuted at number three on the charts. When confronted about the rumor, Kendall had no comment," the cheery host said. Logan had to remind himself to breathe.

It was stupid to believe what they said on these shows, but combined with the knowledge that Matthew was dealing with a musician from Minnesota made it almost too good to be true. Could it really be Kendall that was moving into his apartment? How could he do that, knowing all the memories of their relationship it held?

But maybe that was the point. Was it possible that Kendall was over him? Not in the resigned way that Logan loved him, but completely and truly over him. As unreal as it seemed, Logan had to confront that as a possibility. Immediately, his excitement turned to resolve. Maybe he couldn't have Kendall back, but that didn't mean he couldn't see him. Finally, they'd be on the same coast again, and maybe seeing him again would dissolve Logan's foolish notions.

As Logan fell asleep in the comfort of his new bed, it occurred to him that even though seeing Kendall might put an end to his feelings, it could just as easily stir them up again.

* * *

A week later, his suspicions were confirmed when Mr. Groves asked him over to his home office to discuss the offer he'd gotten. He admitted that it was Kendall Knight that he'd been talking to, and after touring the house and apartment, he'd decided to take both properties. Matthew noted that he'd been extremely curious about the previous owners, and that he'd asked about Logan personally after making the offer.

"He sounded like he knew you," Matthew said, reordering paperwork distractedly. "I have to ask. When could you have run into Kendall Knight?"

"We…knew each other. When we were much younger," he admitted. Mr. Groves shrugged, really not caring for more information.

"Well, I told him that whatever personal connection you had wasn't enough to get the real estate for the offer he made—" Logan stopped him.

"Give it to him. Whatever the offer is, give it to him," Logan said, unable to discuss Kendall long enough to argue.

"But you'd be taking a loss," Matthew argued. "I mean, it's a fair sum, but not nearly what the property is worth."

"No," Logan confirmed. "At least that way I'll know that things are being taken care of. I know him enough to trust him with it."

Mr. Groves seemed aghast, but seemed to understand the sentiment, and promised to deliver the paperwork the next day. Logan went back to his "apartment" to come to terms with what he'd just done.

If there was anything he was sure of, it was that he would never get the smell of Kendall Knight out of his couch, or the memory of him out of that apartment.

* * *

Logan's strength was tested once Mr. Groves told the family about his celebrity client. He made it clear that the Knights were going to become good friends of theirs. Though Kendall still had a few friends from the time he'd spent in L.A., his mother and sister had never been here before, and could use some companionship.

Maria promised to make them comfortable, but only after remembering that she'd met Kendall once before. They'd been eating a dinner Logan had made. He was still serving when she came to that conclusion, and he nearly dropped the casserole on Mrs. Groves.

"He was performing in some little coffee shop. Logan! You remember, don't you?" he stopped, unable to look up, and busily went to cutting the casserole and serving it to everything.

"Should I?" he asked, trying his best to get her to drop the subject.

"Logan!" she exclaimed. "We did. We wandered in there one night, and you couldn't take your eyes off of him. After he was finished, you ran right up there and asked if he had a CD available. He pulled one out of his guitar case and signed it for you, then you asked where his next show was—"

"Well I know good music when I hear it. I can honestly say that I've bought every album since," he said, hoping to deflect the conversation.

She'd been describing the night they met, when he fell in love as soon as he saw Kendall bent over his guitar, singing a cover of some old country song. He'd never been attracted to a man before, but he knew the second Kendall spoke to him that he was in love. Kendall must have been too, because what Maria thought was an autograph was really a phone number. They began dating a few weeks later.

Sure enough, Maria was done recounting her tale, and he wandered back into the kitchen to grab the last dish. Before he went back, he had to pause and take a deep breath. Had he really chosen to subject himself to this torture? An image of Kendall's eyes, filled with tears as he walked away, reminded him that he had. He deserved every second of it.

The next night was even worse. Mr. Groves came home with the exciting news that they were invited to a housewarming party at the house that had only a short time ago been Logan's. The Groves realized this just a few moments too late, and when Logan's mood suddenly plummeted, they took this to be the reason.

"How insensitive of us Logan!" Mrs. Groves said, in one remark both chastising and apologizing for their behavior. "Of course we won't go. I couldn't imagine going to a party at that house without your mother as the hostess."

This remark was especially kind, because it was a rare occasion for Mrs. Mitchell to invite the Groves to anything. She was disappointed with the kind of people they were, down-to-earth people who had simply fallen into a small fortune. They'd been so kind to him, and he could tell in their faces that they would decline the invitation for him, but they would still be disappointed. After everything they'd done for them, he couldn't disappoint them.

"Thank you for thinking of me, but you don't have to do that. The Knights need to meet people, and I couldn't imagine them finding a better group than you," he smiled, to show them he meant it. "It can't be that bad. They haven't even had time to tear out the dolphins."

After they all agreed that there was no good reason to decline the invitation if Logan was fine with it, it was decided that they'd all go.

As the date of the party loomed, Logan's nerves began to get the better of him. They'd have to speak. As much as he'd like to become a selective mute, he'd already recognized a connection between them. Besides, there would be the niceties, complimenting his house and his mother's décor, then a request for Kendall to play a song. He wasn't sure he could take that much, and began to list possible emergencies he could be called away by.

Come the night of the party, Logan's silent prayers were answered, and an excuse presented itself in the form of CJ Groves. The kid came home sick from school with a fever, and it was decided that he was too sick to go to the party.

"I never get to go out, and now it seems like I'll be home again," Maria complained. She was already dressed for the party, and when Logan looked from her to CJ, he knew what he had to do.

"I'll stay with him," he offered, to which she immediately refused, but he'd already formed a list of reasons in his head, and began to count them off on his fingers.

"For starters, I'm a medical professional. I don't get to use my training often, and I would genuinely like to take care of him. Also, I haven't even begun to get ready, and would probably make you late. I wasn't set on going in the first place, and I'd rather just stay home with the boys and play video games. Ethan won't be able to do anything without his brother there, so I'll put CJ to bed, keep Ethan amused, and before you know it you guys will be home."

Maria opened her mouth to argue, but was unable to form a rebuttal. Instead she showered him with thanks, as he helped her find her shoes to get out the door.

As soon as they were gone, he made soup for CJ and brought it upstairs. The kid was really disappointed. He'd told all the kids at school that he was going to meet _the_ Kendall Knight, and wouldn't be able to face them on Monday. Logan promised him that it would be worked out, and Kendall would probably send him a signed CD or something. It sounded like something Kendall would do. He got up and found the flu medicine in a medicine cabinet, and came back to give it to CJ.

"You know Uncle Logan, I'm glad you're here," he said, half asleep from exhaustion. Logan bent down and kissed his forehead.

"So am I," he said, getting up from the bed. "Now get some rest slugger."

It was nearly ten, and as excited as Ethan was to have both Logan and the house to himself, Logan knew that it would only be a matter of time before he ran out of energy. After twelve games of Mario Kart and half an episode of Power Rangers, Logan carried the little boy to bed, tucking him in before turning out the lights and heading downstairs.

He had the house to himself, but he was still most comfortable in the basement. After a few hours of aimlessly flipping through channels, Logan ultimately decided to go to bed early. He got ready for bed quickly, and jumped in his bed, ready to sleep.

Instead, he was met with thoughts of what he was missing. What had Kendall done when the Groves had made his excuses? Had he been disappointed or relieved? Or had he cared at all? Logan played every scenario through his head, unable to target the one that seemed most likely. After all, Kendall had done nothing but surprise him lately.

He pictured Kendall as he found Logan's teenage bedroom. It was really nerdy, and he was sure that Kendall had smiled, whether he'd wanted to or not. There was a poster of Einstein over his rather cluttered desk, and he had floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with action figures. He'd thought to pack things up, but part of him wanted Kendall to see it. He'd had such a hard time letting him in during their relationship, the least he could do was show him why. He could picture Kendall walking over to his bedside table to pick up the picture of his dad he'd left there. It was a picture of them together, when he was seven or eight, and had been one of the last taken. Next to it stood an action figure of Batman, one much too hold to have been Logan's. He'd assume correctly that it had been his dad's, and that Logan kept it as a guardian, an embodiment of his father's spirit. Logan almost regretted leaving it, but realized that he was too old for such things, and that it more than anything else in the room would provide Kendall with some sort of explanation.

He looked over at his current table, where the same picture stood, albeit in a more modern frame. He wondered for a second what his father would think of Kendall. Deep down, he hoped that he'd approve, if not of their relationship, at least of the person he'd fallen for.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Charlie and Maria coming in. He heard light steps on the stairs that had to be Maria, and he immediately began to breathe deeply so she'd think he was asleep. Sure enough, she opened the door a crack, probably to tell him what he'd missed, but when she saw he was asleep she crept back out.

As soon as she was gone, he opened his eyes again. Part of him never wanted to sleep, because in the morning he'd be unable to avoid the stories. Now they'd all met him. They'd seen how beautiful, and kind, and handsome he was, and now they would never shut up about him. As if Logan needed to be reminded of how perfect Kendall was.

* * *

The next morning, Logan was up early after a restless night's sleep. He'd dreamt once again of where he'd be today if he hadn't rejected Kendall all those years ago. Mercifully, he'd forgotten most of the dream by the time he woke up this morning.

By the time he made it upstairs, Charlie had left for work, and Maria was reading the paper at the kitchen island. She took one look at him before pointing to the coffee maker, and he nodded his head before pouring himself a mug. As much as he didn't want to hear what had happened last night, he knew she was waiting to tell him, so he broke the silence.

"And how did last night go?" he asked, hoping his sleep deprivation masked his disinterest.

She didn't seem to notice, and soon was recalling details. It seemed that Kendall was charming as ever, and he had been more attractive than any of the women could believe. Theresa had hit it off with Kendall's mother, who was lovely and kind, but also in need of friendship. Katie Knight had a mixed review, and though she was abrasive, she was also witty. Logan had a feeling that he'd like her if they ever met, but part of him wondered if there was a chance of that.

"He was so charming," she repeated, her natural tendency toward gossip evident. "I'm a married woman, and even I had a hard time resisting. Poor Lucy never stood a chance. He chatted her up the whole night."

Logan could feel a pang of jealousy as he gripped the handle of his mug a little tighter. Kendall had always had a very flirtatious personality, but that didn't mean he wasn't attracted to Lucy. She was really quite beautiful, but had never been what Logan was looking for. But who's to say that Kendall wasn't looking for that kind of girl, if he was, in fact, looking for a girl? Logan had taken years to come to terms with his sexuality. Though he hadn't ruled out marrying a woman, he also knew that he was more attracted to men. Kendall may have come to the opposite conclusion. It was entirely possible that Kendall had gone through a phase, but deep down Logan knew that wasn't true. Still, the truth was that he had no say in whomever Kendall was attracted to, and he could only blame himself.

He became a silent conversation partner, and eventually asked if Maria had checked on CJ since last night. When she shook her head and got up to do so, he waved her off and said he'd do it himself. He made oatmeal and grabbed the medicine, before going upstairs.

Before waking him up, he checked CJ's breathing and temperature, both of which seemed to improve overnight. With that in mind, he woke CJ up slowly, shaking him and calling his name out in a soft voice. When he was finally able to sit, Logan gave him the medicine then asked if he could feed himself. CJ nodded, but asked Logan to stay. With nothing better to do, Logan agreed.

Midway through a debate of DC versus Marvel superheroes, both looked up at the sound of the doorbell. It was still relatively early, and normally it would only be Matthew and Theresa, who wouldn't have bothered to knock. Maria's voice rung out, a tendency she had when company was over, and Logan only had a moment to deduce who it could be, before there was a knock on the bedroom door.

"Come in," he answered, immediately regretting it as the doorknob turned and Kendall Knight walked in.

Their eyes met, but Logan couldn't find an emotion to cling to in the depths of those green eyes. In his own heart, he was struck with the feelings that he'd pushed so far down inside him that it was physically painful for them to bubble up again. For a moment, his mouth hung open, wanting to say something, anything, to make this moment hurt less. Thankfully, Kendall's gaze broke away, over to CJ who was smiling immensely.

"I heard that you were disappointed you couldn't meet me last night, so I thought I'd come over and see how you were," Kendall smiled. It's as if Logan no longer existed. He had become furniture.

Kendall hesitated, and Logan immediately realized that he meant to sit on the bed, so he jumped up and flew near the doorway to make room, putting Maria between him and the situation at hand.

He took the moment to examine Kendall, as he answered every question CJ could come with and made out an inscription on the CD he'd brought. He'd missed Kendall's smile, and even though it wasn't for him, the twitch at the corner of his mouth made a dumb smirk appear on his own face. His hair was shorter, darker, and he had the appearance of a tan, probably recent. Logan even treated himself to quick glimpse of his fingertips, the calluses reminding him of every touch…

He suddenly realized that the attention was back on him, and swallowed hard as he was forced to look at Kendall as they were reintroduced.

"Logan, I was telling Kendall that I wondered why you hadn't kept in touch. You really seemed to hit it off that night at the coffee shop," Maria said, completely unaware of what she was doing to him.

Kendall laughed, but his eyes bore into Logan's heart, "Come on now Maria, I was a broke musician. I didn't deserve his attention."

And there it was, everything Logan hoped had disappeared, yet somehow he wasn't surprised. It would take a lot more than time to heal the wounds he'd inflicted. As if Kendall would ever allow Logan to treat them.

"I loved your new album," Logan said, trying not to show the way the statement had affected him. "I hope you're making progress on the next one."

Kendall forced a smile, "I'm still trying to put things in order, but I'm working on it. The apartment is making me more productive. That couch…"

Behind his eyes, Logan could see a flash of recognition. Before the pause could become awkward, he managed, "You can't buy comfort like that."

Kendall's mouth formed a tight line as he nodded. Logan knew that half of the subtext was imagined, but there was more going on in the room than Maria could begin to imagine.

_There. _Logan told himself. _We can make small talk. That's one hurdle. As long as I don't show the way every syllable rips at my heart, we'll be fine._

There was an obvious break in the conversation, and Maria pulled out her phone to take a picture of CJ with Kendall for him to show his friends. Once CJ was satisfied with the picture, Kendall got up to leave. Maria apologized for taking up his time, but he was insistent that it was no trouble.

Maria asked Logan to walk Kendall in the door, once again unaware of what she was asking. He nodded, unable to come up with an explanation as to why he couldn't. Kendall stayed a few steps ahead of him on the stairs, and when they reached the bottom, Logan knew he had to say something.

"You know, it really meant a lot to him, what you did," he said, unable to go anywhere near his emotional no-no zone. "We appreciate it."

Kendall smiled, seemingly glad for the distraction, "It was no problem. I was on my way over to the studio, and it's on my way."

"Still, you didn't have to," Logan insisted, and both stumbled into the wall of etiquette. Logan opened the door, assuming this was it.

Kendall turned to leave, but stopped at the last second, facing Logan. He was sure his heart had stopped beating as he waited for what Kendall had to say.

"Listen Logan, I'm sorry about your financial trouble. If you really need the help…" he began to offer, but Logan shook his head.

"It's been humbling, I'll admit," he said, knowing the weight of his words. "However, it has really started to align my priorities."

Kendall nodded, suddenly closed up again. He took a look at his watch, and whether he was actually running late or just running away, he left. As soon as he was gone, Logan took a deep breath.

There. He'd survived their first meeting. He was alive. He was breathing. Though Kendall's defenses were up, they at least had the ability to hold a conversation, albeit a conflicted one. He still had no idea where they stood when it came to their former relationship, but one thing was certain. Logan Mitchell was still very much in love with Kendall Knight.


	3. Chapter 3

_My intention of this chapter was that it would be longer than the rest, but instead, this will be a short chapter followed by a much longer one. Still, a lot of stuff goes down in this chapter, so I don't think you'll mind too much. I appreciate the response this story is getting, and please continue your reviews._

**- Three -**

Logan found that he could become used to seeing Kendall in a social setting without his world collapsing down around him. Though it still hurt him, the soreness of his heart became part of him, as it would have to. Kendall had become integrated into his social circle and whether he liked it or not, there didn't seem to be a change on the horizon.

The worst part of it all was watching Lucy fall for him. And it's not like Kendall wasn't encouraging it. Even Logan began to give in to the fact that Kendall must have an interest in her if he was giving her so much of his attention.

He started to see Lucy as Kendall must have seen her. She really was quite pretty, if not beautiful. She wasn't dumb by any means, but she was only average. She would never have been able to keep up with Logan's intellect. And she was kind, if a little absentminded. Most importantly, it was obvious to everyone that she adored Kendall.

There was only one time that Logan was relatively alone with his former flame, and that was when the boys decided to have a video game tournament. He and CJ would go up against Kendall and Ethan, though most of the competition was between the older men. Deep down, Logan never wanted to lose his hero status with the boys, and to keep that from happening he simply had to beat Kendall at something. Thankfully, he'd had a year of experience playing video games with Kendall, and he'd adapted to his weaknesses. He was very controlled, focused, as he was in almost every facet of his life, so as long as Logan was unpredictable, the game was his.

One game all four played against each other. When Logan beat all of them by a wide margin, the boys were unwilling to let him off easy. Immediately, both boys were on him, pulling at his hair and clothes, and he couldn't get both of them without hurting them, which he didn't want to do.

Before he knew it, CJ was lifted off of him, and before he could reach Ethan, he too was on the ground. Kendall had gotten both of them off, but before Logan could turn to thank him, Kendall had gone. Part of him was grateful that they wouldn't have to make awkward conversation because of it.

It was obvious to Logan that he and Kendall were on the same page when it came to what their new relationship entailed. It involved a lot of nodding, some cordial small talk, and every once in a while, even a smile at something the other man had said. It wasn't nearly comfortable, but it was workable.

Apart from the awkward relationship he had with Logan, Kendall had become a nightly ornament in the Groves household, and he was counted among their close friends. One Friday, they were gathered around the dinner table, the Groves, the Knights, and Logan. Logan had made dinner again, this time breaking out his recipe for lasagna; one which he knew was one of Kendall's favorites. Kendall even made the effort to compliment him, as if he'd never tasted it before. Logan understood that neither of them was willing to give away how well they'd once known each other. There would be too much left to explain.

Conversation turned to Kendall's career, as it always did, as well as his personal life. Lucy showed special consideration for this topic, and Logan was forced to calculate how hard it would be to kick her and blame it on one of the boys. He stopped himself, knowing that if there was anything he should wish for, it would be Kendall's happiness. Even if he had to sit through Lucy's blatant flirting.

"So what you're saying is that you'd never take a girlfriend on the road? Never?" Maria stressed. Logan could see that the corner of her eye was on Lucy, and that Maria was simply trying to cover for the knowledge her sister-in-law wished to attain.

Kendall smiled, but shook his head, "I would never want to subject someone to that. It's never sleeping, and a different city every night, and they'd get jealous from the attention I receive from my fans. I have a friend who tours with his wife, and I feel bad for her. She's told me that she wouldn't want to be away from him, but it's a hard life, a life on the road."

"Plus, wouldn't want her getting in the way of the groupies," Charlie commented, instigating a glare from his wife.

Kendall shook his head again, this time very serious, "I would never do that. If I were in a situation where I was committed to someone, I would never mess around, even if I were given the chance."

Lucy's eyes were the size of saucers. She didn't hesitate to add, "Well I think if you found the right girl, you'd never want to let her go."

"It'd have to be a very special person to make me change my mind," he confirmed. "But is it really worth arguing? I'm still single, and my next tour isn't for months. For now, I'm just looking forward to dessert."

He looked at Logan, who went to stand to get the cobbler he'd made out of the oven, but paused, adding, "You know, I think I'd hate to know that my partner had been to every city from here to Alaska, and I hadn't shared that experience with them. You'd almost be cheating them. I don't think it would be a sacrifice for them if they really loved you."

Kendall's reaction was neutral, but his eyes were conflicted for a moment, before turning to match the rest of his inexpressive face. Logan had taken notice of Kendall's neutral pronouns. Was it possible that he wasn't attracted to women, at least not entirely? Once again, he saw Kendall's behavior to Lucy as mere flirtation. Maybe on some level he was just trying to make Logan jealous, to hurt him as he'd been hurt. As frustrating as it was, he'd succeeded.

It seemed that the more Logan found himself avoiding Kendall, the more their social calendar became entangled. The next day, Lucy took it upon herself to get everyone together for a night out. Though it was obvious to Logan that she had wanted to get Kendall alone, Maria insisted that Kendall's connections could be used to get them into any club in Los Angeles. Charles found himself busy, and in the end the party amounted to Kendall, Lucy, Maria, and Logan. Though he'd attempted to get out of it, Maria insisted that after her husband dropped out, it would be unfair for Logan to leave her as the third wheel. Logan decided that if nothing else, the club would provide copious amounts of alcohol, which he could use in a situation like this.

Once they'd arrived at the club, Lucy dragged Kendall to the dance floor. It took Maria a moment before she decided that she'd throw caution to the wind. Logan had doubts about the condition of her marriage, but knew that she would never go too far. He shrugged as she found some man a decade her junior to dance with. He took one look at the writhing dance floor, and found himself at the bar. He directed the bartender that he might as well set up an IV, because it was going to be a long night.

With one drink in hand, Logan took a small spiral staircase up to the balcony, where he found a table in the corner, obscured by a column. He could still see the whole dance floor, but nobody would find him unless they were looking for him. He found a waitress and instructed her to get him another drink, before downing his in one long gulp.

He couldn't help that he could see everyone and everything from his perch. He forced himself to look at Kendall, ignoring the way he was dancing with Lucy, and just focusing in on him. Thankfully, the waitress brought another drink, which he drank accordingly. He glanced over to Kendall again, as he gyrated, a gleeful smile on his face, and ordered four shots of whatever would put him out of his misery.

Just as he began to feel lightheaded, Kendall was pulling Lucy off of the dance floor. Before he could recognize what was happening, they were at a table near his. Lucy was talking Kendall's ear off as she nursed a cocktail. He was nursing a beer, but his expression showed that he wanted something stronger. Logan felt guilty to be spying on them, but not enough to stop from eavesdropping from behind the pillar.

"You know, I haven't seen Logan since we got here. I wonder where he got to?" Kendall asked, innocently enough. At the mention of his name, Logan's ears perked up.

"Don't worry about him," was Lucy's response. "He's never really going to be the life of the party."

Logan could see Kendall's surprise at this description. When he had known Logan, he had been much more outgoing, forward even. A little shy, sure, but not particularly introversive.

"Really? I mean, he's a young guy. Shouldn't he be out on the floor?" Kendall asked, and Logan could tell he was digging for information, some sort of hint as to what happened in the last six years.

"Never. I don't know what it is with him. I've asked him out probably a hundred times, but he's never agreed. And I'm not a special case. He hasn't really gone out with anybody in years. Sure, a date here and there to appease his mother and Aunt Elinor, but nothing serious."

"Aunt Elinor?" Kendall asked, and Logan could tell it was a weighted question. Kendall knew perfectly well who Aunt Elinor was, and he'd suspected, correctly, that she had been a driving force behind their break up.

"The old bird!" Lucy said, chuckling. Logan half-hoped her word choice was being affected by the alcohol in her system. "Nobody dates Logan unless they've gotten past her. I think that's why he's never dated me. I could just imagine what she's said about me. _A party girl with little future and even fewer connections._ Well fuck her. I can do better than Logan Mitchell."

Logan frowned as she smiled, not because of what she'd said about him, but that she was using Aunt Elinor against him. It wasn't true what she was saying. He always followed his heart, she just…helped him come to a decision. But Kendall seemed to agree with a smile of his own.

Infuriated, Logan took two more shots from the tray the waitress brought, and for the first time, Kendall's eyes wandered to that corner of the room. Logan could see that now he was being watched out of the corner of Kendall's eyes. Eventually, Lucy excused herself to use the restroom, and as soon as she was out of view, Kendall came toward him.

"I was wondering where you'd gotten to," he said, more concern than mirth. Logan was very visibly drunk, and when drunk became spiteful. This wasn't a good combination when he was interacting with Kendall.

"I've been here the whole time," he said, a cocky smile crossing his face. His fingers wrapped around the glass of his most recent drink, and Kendall's eyes followed it to his lips, trying to calculate just how many he'd had at that point.

Kendall began to look around the balcony for the waitress, and Logan could tell he was about to be taken care of, and not the way he would have liked. Another grin crossed his face at that thought.

In the meantime, Kendall sat down, "How much did you hear?"

"Don't worry," he chuckled. "I won't remember any of this in the morning. But you will. Do me a favor, be kind. I'm not myself…" _around you_, he finished in his head, before exchanging it for a delayed, "…tonight."

"I hope not," Kendall said, a tone of disapproval in his voice. Logan chuckled to himself darkly. Whatever interest Kendall may have had in them reconnecting had been annihilated by his behavior tonight. And he wasn't even finished yet.

Finally the waitress came into sight, and Logan looked away as Kendall insisted on covering the tab. Even with his hampered mental state, Logan knew that the purpose of Kendall's generosity was to see just how much alcohol he had consumed. His green eyes went wide at the tally, as he pulled a card out of his wallet and handed it to the waitress.

Both sets of eyes wandered to the dance floor to see that Maria had somehow found Lucy, and they were now dancing together in the center of the dance floor. Both looked to be enjoying themselves. Kendall was glad for the distraction, as now he had time to deal with Logan.

The waitress came back and handed Kendall the card, her expression wishing him luck. He stood and stared at Logan, who was still unmoving.

"Logan, I think you should get some air," he said, moving closer in case the inebriated man stumbled.

Logan knew what he was doing, but resisted, responding coyly, "I'd rather have another drink."

"It was less of a request, and more of an order worded nicely," Kendall said, the irritation finally showing in his voice. He forcefully pulled Logan's chair out, and after a heated look, Logan stood.

The taller man had a hand on his back as he more-or-less led him to the entrance of the club. Logan deemed this unnecessary, but Kendall never let go. Though it occurred to Logan that he could lose his captor in the crowd, he feared that his mental calculations would come up short while he was in this state. Instead, he had a moment of bliss as they left the crowded club and he could finally breathe fresh air. Well, as fresh as the air could be in Los Angeles.

Now that they were outside, neither knew what to say to the other. They were relatively alone, and it would have been the perfect time for Logan to blame his inebriated state for elaborate declarations of love, but he still had just enough self-control to avoid that. What he didn't have was the decency not to stare as Kendall messed around with his phone. Kendall seemed to notice, his back tense under Logan's gaze, but didn't acknowledge it.

As if his own thoughts surprised him, Kendall looked up all of a sudden, and said he had to make a phone call. Though he didn't voice his concern, his eyes told Logan not to wander off. Logan rolled his eyes, knowing that his current dispute with gravity would keep that from happening. Instead he sat on the curb and waited, as Kendall tried to discretely call him a cab.

After he hung up, Kendall sat down next to Logan on the curb. Neither of them spoke, but it was clear that neither fooled the other. Logan was not nearly as put together as he'd like to project, and Kendall had definitely decided to cut the party short. His condition made Logan spiteful, and rather than thankful, he felt betrayed by the amount of attention Kendall was giving him.

_If I have no say in who you date, you have no say in how much I drink. I could drink myself to sickness, alcoholism even, and you would have absolutely no say. You don't want to be with me, you've given up your right to make decisions for me. You don't want me. You've made that brutally clear._

Logan realized as soon as the thought crossed his mind that sickness should not have entered his mental dialogue. Immediately, his stomach began to churn, and he forced his head between his knees. Kendall put a concerned hand on his back, but after a glare from the other man, removed it and stood.

The cab finally arrived, and when Kendall reached down to help him up, Logan couldn't resist the urge to argue, "I don't need to go home. I just needed some air. This is completely unnecessary."

Kendall refused to give him the pleasure of arguing, and instead pulled him up and pushed him into the cab, like he was being arrested for public drunkenness. Logan bitterly stared out the window on the other side of the cab as Kendall tipped the driver. Even when Kendall leaned in and encouraged, "Go home and sleep it off. You'll feel better in the morning," Logan refused to look at him.

He spent the whole ride home feeling betrayed. Deep down, he suspected that Kendall sending him home had less to do with his concern, and was more likely an excuse to be rid of him. He suspected that only now would the real excitement start, now that he was on his way home. Sickly, Logan admitted to himself that he wouldn't have been able to stand much more anyway. He'd put on a brave face, but he was now struggling with the fine line between drunk and alcohol poisoning.

It was just late enough that Charlie and the boys had already gone to bed and Logan did the best he could to sneak into the house. Once downstairs, he poured himself a glass of water, the only sure fire way of lessening a hangover he'd ever found, before throwing his clothes on the floor of the bedroom and crawling into bed. Though he intended to stay awake long enough to think, his brain had other plans, and soon he was fast asleep.

* * *

The next morning he woke up to an inevitable hangover, proud that he hadn't gotten up in the night to puke up the last night's mistakes. It was nearly afternoon, and there was a bottle of aspirin on his bedside table, signaling that Maria had been in to check on him. He stumbled to the basement kitchen and made a pot of coffee, sitting at the counter until he'd drank its entirety.

Thankfully, the glass block windows in the basement only let in so much light, and it was still dark enough in his apartment that his head could slowly recover. After a few aspirin and two pots of coffee, he finally felt ready to get dressed. He threw on a t shirt and the jeans he'd been wearing the night before.

Upstairs, the house was silent. Maria was on the couch, reading a book. He assumed that Charlie was at work, and the boys were probably with their grandparents next door. With the sheer madness this house was used to, the silence seemed eerie.

Maria turned as he walked over, a knowing grin on her face. He grimaced in response, sitting next to her and covering his eyes so he wouldn't have to stare directly at the windows in front of him. She patted his knee, chuckling a little at his expense.

"You've never been a very good drunk dear," she said, putting her book down on the table and giving him her full attention. "I didn't see you leave, but Kendall let on that you were bad enough to be sent home."

_Like a child._ Logan thought. _Like a fucking child._

"How was the rest of the night?" he asked, hoping against his suspicion that she would say nothing.

"It was fantastic. I haven't had that much fun in ages. Oh! I was supposed to tell you! What are you doing next week?" she said, changing her position with excitement.

Logan's curiosity got the better of him, and he asked, "Why?"

"Because Kendall's offered to take us all to San Francisco! Well, he mentioned it…but Lucy convinced him to invite us and he agreed!" she said, the excitement showing on her face.

Logan immediately prickled at the thought of going on vacation with all of them. It was hard enough to obscure his emotions when they were all in the comfort of Los Angeles where he could hide, but in San Francisco he had no choice but go along with the group. It was possible he could get out of it, but that was unlikely. Instead, he chose to get more information.

"What's in San Francisco?" he asked, while calmly listing possible reasons in his head.

"Well," Maria started. He could tell she was as excited to tell him as she was to go, and for once he was glad she had a penchant for retaining gossip, "some of his old band mates are playing in a festival up there. He hasn't seen them in a while, and he hopes that attending will give them some publicity. I guess they're a few of his oldest friends."

Logan smiled before he could think it through. He'd never met any of Kendall's old friends. Their relationship had been so private that they'd known no one apart from each other. He could only imagine what the guys were like. Probably just like him. Perhaps one of them could take his mind off of Kendall.

"Logan," she said, breaking his concentration. He looked up to see her smiling hopefully. "You'll come, won't you?"

He thought for a moment, before nodding.

"I'm looking forward to it."


	4. Chapter 4

_We are upon a major turn in the story, for those who are fans of the original novel, this trip to San Francisco is based on the trip to Lyme, when so many things change. I should tell you, I've never seen the West Coast, so I apologize for any geographic mistakes. You'll be glad to know that unlike Jane, I believe in rather hearty flashbacks, so you'll finally get some of those in this chapter. Songs featured in this chapter include "Wicked Way" by Benjamin Taylor, "Veronica" by Elvis Costello, and "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys. I'm terrible at replying to reviews, but know that I appreciate all of them. Most importantly, enjoy the chapter!_

**- Four -**

Logan had never minded long car rides. His mother told stories of his father driving circles around the neighborhood, attempting to get him to sleep. For now he was content with his book, some bestseller he'd picked up at the last rest stop.

He was curled up in the corner of the back seat in Kendall's Range Rover. Though he'd offered to drive, he could hardly afford the gas that a round trip to San Francisco would take. Instead, he'd been forced into Kendall's car with Lucy, who was in the passenger seat. Charlie and Maria were following them, after Charlie had insisted that it was insane to have all of them sharing one car for the week.

On some level he had to agree. Though when it came down to this trip, he was forced to choose the tension of Kendall's car for the endless arguing that he knew was going on in Charlie's. Maria and Charlie couldn't go an hour without an argument, and the drive to San Francisco was nearly six. He also knew from experience that he wouldn't mind six hours of exposure to Kendall's music taste, while Charlie's fascination with screamo had never caught on with him.

Two hours into the trip, he'd finally found a comfortable way to sit, and was somehow able to block out most of Lucy's chatter. Though he'd initially intended to eavesdrop, he found that she was more likely to talk about her shoes than Kendall's hobbies. He felt so bad that he interrupted a few times to ask Kendall about sports or music, just to keep his mind active. Otherwise he would drive them over a cliff.

Eventually, he couldn't resist his curiosity, and asked Kendall about his friends. Kendall's face suddenly lit up with excitement, and Logan could tell how much he'd missed them. For a second he forgot their past, and smiled for Kendall's happiness.

"Well, Noah was my bass player when I was first starting out. He's really grounded and honest, but he's such a fun guy. He was the friend I had that we could sit there doing nothing and we'd still be having a good time. And he has the best music taste," he started, stumbling over how inaccurate words were to describe one of his best friends.

He went on, "And Carlos, Carlos is best described as a puppy. He's just got boundless energy, which is totally necessary for a drummer, but he's like that all the time. And you can't help but love him. Veronica couldn't help but…" he stopped midsentence, his face dropping instantly.

"Carlos actually reminds me a lot of you sometimes," he said, staring in the rearview mirror at Logan in the back seat. Logan was unable to break eye contact. "He's very…you wouldn't believe this but he's very deep. And I say that because when you meet him, you won't be able to tell. He's great at keeping face. But he…well, I'm not sure I should be telling you this, but Carlos hasn't been himself for a while. His fiancé…two years ago, there was a car accident. And he still hasn't gotten over her. He gets caught up in it sometimes. And we all loved Roni, I mean, before she dated Carlos, she was Noah's sister…but he's stuck in neutral without her. And I just want to see him happy again."

"That's so sad," Lucy said, and both men remembered that they weren't alone.

It got away from Logan sometimes, that they weren't what they'd once been. The problem was that he still trusted Kendall, with everything up to and including his life. He'd never done anything to lose his trust. In contrast, Kendall had absolutely no reason to trust him, so his empathy was encouraging. He missed being able to talk like this with him. He had six years of pent up emotion just waiting to come out, and Kendall was the only one he'd trust with those feelings. Too bad they were all more-or-less directed toward his frustration at Kendall's absence and his share of the blame for it.

"I'm sorry," Logan said, the only thing he could think to say in the situation.

"Yeah, he was on tour when it happened. He still kind of blames himself. Like if he'd been there, he could have saved her. But it was out of his control, I mean, it was out of anyone's control. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of this. I just…I'm going to be busy while we're there, and I'd like you to talk to him. I think you guys would get along. To be completely honest, I think you guys are the only native Californians that also like hockey. He also has Dodger's stats committed to memory, so if ever clams up, just ask him about batting averages."

Logan wondered why Kendall had thought to tell him all of this. To a point, he knew it was just as Kendall had told him. He really thought they would get along. But to another extent, he knew that Kendall's intuition told him that Carlos would draw away from the group, and that Logan would like having an excuse to do the same. He was thankful, but also just the tiniest bit hurt. Still, it showed that Kendall was beginning to trust him again, which was more than he could have ever asked for after what he'd done.

"If you like him, I'm sure I will too," Logan answered, and he could see the relief on Kendall's face as he finally turned his attention back to the road. Lucy began to play with the radio, one of Kendall's pet peeves, and Logan smirked a little at Kendall's expense as his jaw tightened, too polite to tell her off. After a few more moments of suffering, Logan encouraged Kendall to put his CD in, and after half an argument, he agreed.

Eventually, Logan became tired of the mediocre novel he'd picked up, and instead rested his head against the window. The combination of the repetitive landscape and Kendall's voice put him to sleep before he even realized he was tired.

_He opened one eye to the blinding sunlight, awoken by Kendall's amused chuckle from the seat next to him. He could tell he'd fallen asleep, but he couldn't be sure for how long._

"_You're like a kid. Ten minutes in the car and you doze off," Kendall laughed, taking his eyes off the road to roll them at him._

"_I can't help it!" He tried, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. "You kept me up all night playing that stringed menace."_

"_Yeah, that's the only thing that kept you up," he said with a wink. "It's fine Logie Bear, I find your narcolepsy adorable."_

_He shook his head as he tried to hide a smile, "We talked about this. My mother calls me that. If you start, I'm going to develop this whole Oedipus complex thing and it's just not going to be pretty."_

"_I love it when you speak Greek," Kendall said, ducking to kiss Logan's cheek before directing his attention back to the freeway. They were on a day trip to San Diego, because neither of them had been to SeaWorld, which Kendall found shocking. Logan was just willing to do anything to make Kendall smile._

_Logan dove into the back seat and found a water bottle in the cooler, opening it to hand it to Kendall, who took a sip before handing it back. Logan rearranged himself in the passenger seat, in a position that probably wasn't legal, but was much more comfortable, facing Kendall._

"_So that song you were working on last night…is it any good?" Logan said as he took a sip from the water bottle. He'd found that he was partial to all of Kendall's songs, but Kendall was his own worst critic._

_Kendall shrugged, "Do you want to hear it? I burned the demo last night."_

_As he reached for the glove box, Kendall made sure to let his hand glide over Logan's lap, a smirk on his face as Logan inhaled sharply, confirming that he'd struck gold, as it were. Logan looked at him, the panic of a backseat driver on his face as Kendall's eyes, as well as his attention, were averted from the road. Kendall rolled his eyes again as he grabbed the CD and stuck it in the slot._

_Logan smiled as he listened to the lyrics. He knew that he was the inspiration for the song, and it was confirmed when Kendall reached for his hand. He listened in silence as Kendall mouthed the words to the chorus._

"_What's darkness without light? What's sunshine without night? What's every good day, sunlit mornings, rainbows without rainstorms? Girl they don't mean nothing. All those things mean nothing. And girl I know I'm nothing…without you."_

_When the song was over, Logan hesitated before responding. Kendall looked worried, before he spotted his dimples poking out, betraying his smile, "So who is this girl, and what am I going to have to do to her?"_

"_You know I'm never going to get a record contract singing about my perfect boyfriend. Now once I _get _the record contract, well that's a different story," Kendall said, breaking his eye contact on the road once again to kiss Logan, only just missing his lips and kissing one of his dimples instead. "Besides, I wrote the song last night, and you were definitely the girl then."_

_Logan punched his arm, "Alright now. You better watch it, or you're not even going to get to be the girl tonight."_

"_Oh?" Kendall asked, with his eyebrow raised in challenge. As much as Logan hated to admit it, chances were that in this case, Kendall would have his wicked way. He smirked and shook his head._

"_Fuck, babe, where's that one playlist you made?" he asked, not waiting for an answer before he started rifling through the glove box again, finally finding the CD he was looking for. It was marked with a simple Sharpie heart, and before Kendall could object, he pushed it into the CD slot and clicked through the tracks until he found what he was looking for._

"_I just want to take you out and get you drunk so I can have my wicked way with you," the lyrics started, and Kendall smiled, turning it up._

"_Trying to tell me something?" he asked, the gears turning over in his head._

_Logan shrugged with a smirk, "That depends. How opposed would you be to getting a hotel room in San Diego?"_

_Kendall swallowed hard, his imagination obviously getting the better of him, as his voice shakily warned, "Logan…"_

"Logan?" he heard as he groggily found himself in the back seat of a different car. The voice was still Kendall's, but not nearly as heated as it had just been. Logan slowly remembered where he was, and opened his eyes. The car was stopped, and Kendall had turned in his seat. There was a glimmer of familiarity in his eyes, and he couldn't help but smirk. It was taking everything he had not to make a comment. "We're here."

Logan rubbed at his eyes before looking out the window to see that they'd arrived at the beach house. The band that Noah and Carlos were in, Captain's Resolve, was renting the house for the festival, though they were also staying a few weeks longer in an attempt to finish their next album. Their bandmate, Seth, was from the area, so he'd opted to stay with his family. Of the three of them, Seth sometimes sounded like a temporary filler for Kendall, and Logan suspected that he'd be kicked out if Kendall ever grew tired of his solo career.

By the time he'd woken up, they were already working on unloading the cars, and Kendall launched a duffel bag at his chest as if to text his reflexes. Logan caught it, and rolled his eyes before heading in the direction of the house. He'd already volunteered to take the couch. The beach house was large, three bedrooms in total, but he wasn't paying anything for it, so he couldn't complain. One bedroom was for Noah and his wife Addison, who Logan surmised was the tour wife Kendall had alluded to weeks earlier. She was a couple months pregnant, and it was obvious from the moment he met both Noah and Addison that they were inseparable. Carlos had given up his bedroom for the week to Lucy, who quickly darted off to check out the view from her room. Maria and Charlie also wandered off to unpack.

The three bachelors were going to end up sharing the two couches and an air mattress in the main room. Kendall quickly introduced Logan and Carlos to each other, before taking their bags to a closet to stow them away until they were needed.

In his absence, Logan began to make small talk with Carlos, who was admittedly just as Kendall had described him. The smile never left his face, but his eyes didn't match. They were somehow withdrawn, sad even. Sure enough, they rooted for the same hockey team, and after a short discussion of the last season, opinions of traded players, and guesses for what the next season would bring, the conversation became a little more work.

Thankfully, Logan had grown up with his father just long enough to remember a few choice facts about the Dodgers, and when he started talking about them, Carlos's face lit up. It was probably the most effort he'd put into a conversation in a long time.

"Been to any games this year?" Carlos asked, unknowingly.

Logan prickled, but answered, "No, actually. The last game I went to was before my dad passed away, gosh, almost twenty years ago."

Carlos nodded sadly, "Yeah, I lost someone too. It's hard to do things with other people that hold strong memories of them…but maybe one day we could go to a game or something? Hot dogs on me?"

Logan smirked and nodded, "That sounds great. But first, Kendall said something about your drumming skills. He may have mentioned something about Keith Moon…"

Logan realized a second too late that he was flirting, and even a second later that he was wasting attention on a man who was no doubt straight. Still, Carlos smirked at the attention.

"Kendall would never have said that," he said, matter-of-factly. "He has shot me down enough times when I was drunk and cocky. I'm no Moon…maybe Ringo…yeah, I might be Ringo."

"I was gone ten minutes and he's already decided to join the Beatles?" Kendall said as he finally emerged from the closet. Logan tried not to laugh at the metaphor, but noticed that Kendall had taken the time to change into board shorts. He gave Logan a look, thanking him for the attention he was giving Carlos. He would have liked to tell Kendall that it wasn't as much of a chore as he'd thought earlier.

Logan shrugged, "It's my fault. I was trying to arrange a private performance, until you so rudely interrupted us."

Kendall was unable to hide his confusion as he looked between them, and Logan realized that he may have found an opportunity to get back at Kendall for what he'd gone through with Lucy. Whether there was anything there or not, he could see clearly that Kendall was about to get very jealous.

The short silence that followed went over Carlos's head, and he added, "You know, I brought my bongos. Maybe tonight we could have a bonfire on the beach. A little impromptu jam session? S'mores?"

Kendall smiled, before joking, "As long as you know you're not going to convince me to be on that record of yours. I will check for recording devices before I unleash my golden voice."

"Who's cocky now?" Carlos said, somehow getting the taller man into a headlock. He smiled as he messed with his hair. "Asshole."

Kendall wasn't able to pull him off, but manage to get him off the ground, which caused Carlos to drop voluntarily. Their wrestling reminded him of the boys, who they'd left at their grandparents early this morning. Around Carlos, Kendall lit up like a child. Logan hadn't seen him act that way in a long time, and he smiled, imagining just what these two might have gotten up to when they were younger.

"I'm going to go tell the others!" Carlos said suddenly, before taking off in the other direction of the house. Before Logan could understand what was happening, he was once again alone with Kendall. For two people that seemed to be trying to politely avoid each other, they weren't very good of it.

There was a silence, before Logan decided to tell him what he'd been thinking, "You just light up around him, don't you? I don't think I've seen you that happy sin-he's a really nice guy."

"Too bad he's straight," Kendall answered, both of them realizing they were off their game when it came to ignoring their past. Under his breath, he added, "Believe me, I've tested it."

Logan couldn't tell what Kendall was more adamant about telling him. He hoped it was his way of telling Logan that he hadn't changed _that_ much since they'd been together. But Logan also saw from the look in his eyes, that he was telling Logan to back off. Not for Carlos's sake, but for his own. Part of him understood, but part of him was still willing to make him suffer for weeks of flirtation with Lucy.

Before he could properly respond, Carlos was back, insisting that they head to the nearest party store to get the things necessary for s'mores. By them, it was obvious that Carlos meant the three of them, and Logan consoled himself with the fact that he could continue to wave his attentions in front of Kendall, hoping he would turn green by the time they returned.

It turned out that the supermarket was closer than the party store, and since they entered on the produce end of the store, Logan had an idea.

"How do you guys feel about fajitas?" he asked the guys, and saw that Kendall couldn't resist. He was almost licking his lips at the memories of Logan's cooking. Carlos began to offer his mother's tips, and Logan asked if he would help him in the kitchen when they got back. Immediately, he earned a glare from Kendall, but Carlos was too busy picking out peppers to notice.

While they collected the ingredients for fajitas, Kendall found a display with s'mores supplies and picked up enough for one batch. Carlos came up behind him to double the amount, promising that whatever they didn't finish that night could be used another night. Logan could guess, as Kendall probably guessed too, that Carlos would be finishing half of them himself.

Next they grabbed a few six packs, with Kendall side-eyeing Logan the whole time. Logan wanted to tell him that he wasn't an alcoholic, and that the night at the club wasn't exactly his idea of recreational drinking. To make a point, he also grabbed a case of Mike's, mumbling something about the girls.

When they reached the register, Carlos had no trouble insisting that Kendall pay, "Listen, when we get a record in the top ten, I will buy you every marshmallow I can find, but until that bit of hell freezes over, we are taking donations from the bank of pop stardom."

Logan chuckled, and when Kendall looked at him to back him up, he simply shrugged. It was common knowledge that Logan wasn't in the business of treating anyone lately.

"These fajitas better be fantastic," he said as he begrudgingly pulled out his wallet. Logan couldn't help but give him a look, as if to tell him, _how dare you doubt my cooking_.

Carlos popped in as he grabbed a few of the bags, "I'm sure they will be."

Logan smirked at Kendall, adding, "Oh, he knows. You should see him with my lasagna."

Carlos looked between them, sensing the subtext laced into the conversation. He seemed to lose interest, and grabbed the last of the bags, wasting no time before he headed for the exit. The walk back to the beach house was more like a jog, with Logan and Kendall both trying to keep up with Carlos.

When they got back to the house, there was a note on the counter, telling them that everyone else had gone for a walk along the beach. It was already after five, and Carlos insisted that they get started on dinner. Kendall offered to help, but Logan referred to the old saying about too many cooks in the kitchen.

Instead, Kendall wandered off and found his acoustic guitar, along with one of his old stenograph pads and pen. Logan smiled before he could stop himself. It'd been such a long time since he'd gotten to watch Kendall write a song, and he'd missed the experience.

It was a good thing that Logan had become an accomplished multitasker, because he became very distracted. As he stood at the counter, he couldn't help listening as he cut the pile of peppers and onions in front of him. Carlos had put himself in charge of the steak, which left him facing the back wall, unable to see the way Logan was staring.

As he suspected, Kendall was too in tune to his writing to notice the way Logan watched him work, but Logan wasn't naïve enough to think that he wasn't aware of it. He was hypersensitive to this version of Kendall, because he'd spent so many hours doing just this, observing Kendall in his most private of moments, when he was pouring his heart into the music. Though it had been so long ago, he still remembered every intimate moment.

He nearly cut his thumb more than once, while distracted by the way Kendall bit his bottom lip as he wrote down a lyric, before humming it to himself, then whispering the words to himself, and finally biting down on the pen to free his hands as he figured out the chords. The actions were repeated line by line, as they had been for every song in Kendall's arsenal.

Logan had to wonder what he'd been inspired by. These writing sessions had always been spurned by some sort of trigger, and Logan could think of only so many recent events that would be significant enough for a song. A part of him, one he'd rather not acknowledge, told him that it was something to do with him. But he couldn't begin to hope for that.

By the time the others returned, Logan and Carlos were hard at work assembling the fajitas, and Kendall had just about finished his song. Noah went straight over to him as he entered, and Kendall asked for his help working out a few chords. Lucy came over to the kitchen and asked if she could help, and though Logan was about to send her away, Carlos smiled and asked for her help setting up the kitchen table. She suggested the patio, and Carlos agreed, handing her the plates and utensils. Addison went to work making Kool-Aid, and Logan smiled, secretly craving the stuff.

As he and Carlos finished, suddenly Kendall was over his shoulder. He nodded as he took the plates from in front of Logan as, now empty handed, Logan reached for the sour cream to make himself useful. Carlos took the pitcher from Addison, and they all made their way outside, excluding Charlie and Maria, who had never made it in. Logan worried that they'd been fighting, but it looked quite the opposite, as Maria's cheeks were flushed and Charlie had a smirk on his face.

Dinner went well, as Carlos questioned the song Kendall had been writing. Logan may have been the only one that noticed when Kendall glanced his way, before telling Carlos it wasn't finished.

Lucy made it known what she expected to get out of this trip, and Maria promised to go shopping with her over the coming days, to which Lucy seemed less than thrilled. Logan expected that she had hoped for Kendall to volunteer, but he could have told her that she was the last thing on Kendall's mind. Addison seemed to notice, and offered to show them around while the guys fussed over their music. Maria took the opportunity to ask her about the pregnancy, and Addison seemed glad to list off baby names, as Maria and Lucy weighed in.

The male half of the table turned to a discussion of the upcoming festival, which Captain's Resolve was due to perform at in three days. The band would have a rehearsal tomorrow, which Carlos immediately invited Kendall to. Kendall smiled as he shook his head.

"I know what you're up to Papi, but if you think I'm going to work in a song with you guys…" he said, before going on about how Seth would suspect a mutiny. Then they all laughed at the nautical motif, which was totally intentional.

Though no one was talking directly to Logan, he felt comfortable in the conversation. So comfortable in fact, that when discussion started about the other bands performing, something occurred to Kendall and he turned to Logan, who was seated diagonal to him.

"Do you still listen to that one band…" he said, snapping his fingers as he grasped for the name. "Bender…no…Dobler! That was it. I knew it was one of those bands named after an eighties movie…"

Logan smiled. He'd gone through a serious phase when they'd been together, and Kendall had gone so far as to get him tickets to their concert, but they'd had to cancel at the last minute because the singer had laryngitis.

Kendall went on, "Well they're performing after these guys. I'm sure we could get you backstage. It would make up for-" he started, before realizing once again that he'd overstepped the boundaries, and began eating again to hide his mistake.

Finally, Carlos's curiosity got the better of him, and he finally asked, "I feel like I'm missing something here. How do you two know each other again?"

They looked at each other, and mentally tried to communicate exactly which story to go with, but they were out of practice, and started with different stories at the same time.

Kendall was just a breath ahead, and went with the obvious story, "Well, I'm renting Logan's house while I record my album. He's had to downsize for a while, but we're taking good care of things."

Carlos's eyes turned immediately to Logan, since it was obvious there was more to the story, and Logan confirmed, "He is. But the only reason he got the house is because I knew him from a while back. I went to a show of his about six years ago, and we hung out a few times afterward."

Everyone nodded, content with this explanation, except Carlos, who still seemed curious, but decided to drop it. Instead, he got up from the table, quickly stacking dirty plates, and insisting that they get right to s'mores.

Charlie and Maria volunteered to start the fire, but Logan suspected that they were suffering from a case of ulterior motives. Carlos sorted through the s'mores supplies, before handing them off to Lucy and Addison, who carried them to the fire. Logan found the beer, and the three musicians wandered off to locate their instruments.

By the time they made it down to the beach, the fire was up and running. Lucy had found towels on the patio and had laid them out on the sand. Logan took his seat on an empty towel and offered everyone a drink before cracking one open for himself.

Kendall too, had chosen to sit alone, and Logan handed him a beer as he tuned up his guitar. Carlos sat down next to Lucy, a set of bongos under his arm. Noah sat next to Addison, careful to avoid hitting her with the neck of his guitar.

Carlos began pounding on the drums, forcing the others to keep up, as he broke into one of their "old hits" from back when they all played together. Next, he insisted they play "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", and Lucy couldn't help but smile as he sang directly to her. Logan noticed that Noah's face had changed, and immediately remembered that Carlos's fiancée had also been his sister.

Before anyone else could choose another song, Noah started quietly, "_Is it all in that pretty little head of yours? What goes on in that place in the dark? Well I used to know a girl and I would have sworn that her name was Veronica…_"

Kendall glared at him, refusing to play along, but it was too late. Carlos's entire demeanor changed, but he managed to sit through the whole song, before making an excuse to find sticks on the beach to roast the marshmallows, ignoring the few that Charlie had already collected.

Logan was worried, but nobody stood to follow him, so he surmised that Carlos needed space, and instead took another swig of his beer. Kendall continued to give Noah a look, but he didn't seem to regret his song choice. Instead he tried to distract Kendall.

"I've got one for you buddy, you fucking loved this song," he said, as he started, his voice ringing out clear on the quiet beach, "_Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long…"_

Immediately Logan's eyes went to Kendall, who looked equally disturbed at the melody. This was too much. This was far too much for him to take.

This was their song.

He instantly had an image of another beach, another guitar, another clear voice, singing those same lyrics. A clear summer day, nearly six years ago to the day, sharing Kendall's lap with the guitar as he sang every note with an enamored smile on his face.

There was no trace of that smile on Kendall's face now, but Noah went on, oblivious to what he was doing. Logan somehow made it through the song, but he'd been forced to open another bottle. With the sound of the cap opening, Kendall reached over for another as well. _At least he feels something_, Logan thought to himself, kidding himself that it was worth it.

When the song was over, Noah began to reminisce, "I remember you used to get so distracted at band practice. We'd be in the middle of a song and you'd just start humming that song. It had to be…six years ago? Logan! You said you knew him then. Remember how addicted he was to it?"

"It was a long time ago," he answered, his heart breaking with the effort. He knew he wouldn't last long at this rate. "You know what, I'm going to go check on Carlos."

Kendall looked up at him as he stood, thanking him for the gesture, but unknowingly hurting him even more. It was impossible to look at him when he felt like this. He had to find Carlos. Hopefully he would find him before he broke into an emotional mess, and Carlos could provide a distraction.

He found Carlos a ways down the beach, throwing rocks into the tide. He could tell that he'd been crying, but decided not to acknowledge it.

Logan walked up beside him, which earned a side glance. He continued to throw rocks, but tried to regain his breath so he could speak.

"He had no right to pull that shit," Carlos said, pitching another rock at the waves. "I don't care if I was fucking her in front of him, he had no right."

Logan held out a second, before starting, "She was his sister wasn't she? And neither of you are past what happened?"

Carlos looked at him curiously, and he added, "Kendall told me."

"I find it interesting that you two talk like you've known each other your whole lives, but I've never heard him mention you before this trip," he prompted, to no avail, before continuing. "He alternates between insisting I get over her and preventing my attempts. I'm not sure he knows what he wants from me."

"I knew it would be trouble dating Veronica when her brother was my best friend, but I knew she could help the transition. If she were here…" he stopped himself to wipe away an angry tear. "Well I guess we wouldn't have this problem."

"You really miss her, don't you?" Logan tried, unsure of how to proceed.

"Every moment of every day," Carlos promised, this time making no effort to hide his tears. "I'm not trying to replace her, and I don't think Noah sees that. I just, I've thought long and hard about it, and I know she would want me to find someone. Lucy may not be it, but she's a start. I don't even know if she likes me. All I know is that Roni's life was already taken away in that accident. I shouldn't sacrifice mine for her memory. As much as I'd like to trade my life for hers, that's not possible. Letting go of her is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done."

Logan's mouth hung open as he looked at the other man, when Carlos continued, "I know that look. You're about to tell me that you understand, but you don't. I've never met a single person that has felt heartbreak this deep."

Logan sniffed, realizing that he'd begun to tear up uncontrollably, "No Carlos, that's where you're wrong. See, you blame yourself for what happened to Veronica, but when it comes down to it, you know you couldn't have stopped what happened. It was out of your control. The worst kind of heartbreak is the kind you caused yourself, because on top of the heartbreak you have levels of blame and guilt for what you did."

"Do you mind if I…? Carlos started quietly, turning to face Logan.

"Ask what happened?" Logan laughed menacingly. "I fell in love. He was the one, and we were perfect, and I got scared and broke it off. Every stupid reason I had to leave him, he made up for to spite me. And on top of all this, I have to see him, knowing that we could have been married by now. We could have been truly and honestly happy. And I fucked it up."

"I'm…sorry," Carlos said, and he pulled Logan into a hug as Logan let his tears fall for the first time in ages. When he had finally calmed down, Carlos began to pick up sticks to quantify their excuse.

As they began to walk back down the beach, Logan stopped and turned to Carlos, "I don't know why I felt the need to tell you all of that, but you should know that I've never told anyone that before. Not just about him, but about…I mean, nobody knows that I'm…"

Carlos nodded, "I'm starting to understand why Kendall talks like you've known each other forever. Your secret is safe with me."

Logan was unsure of how specific Carlos's observation was, whether he'd made the connection between his broken relationship and the tension he'd seen between Logan and Kendall, or if he'd simply made an observation of Logan's personality. Afraid to ask, he nodded as they finally saw the fire in the distance.


	5. Chapter 5

_I repeat, I have never been on the West Coast, so this is my best guess. I've also never been to a music festival, so this is my best guess. There is an actual music festival in San Francisco called Outside Lands, but since I've never been, you can think whatever you wish about whether or not that is the festival that Captain's Resolve performs at. The response for this story continues to be awesome, and you guys are honestly the best. I'm not great at responding to reviews, but just know that every one makes me smile._

**- Five -**

Logan honestly hadn't expected to enjoy this trip as much as was. He was even getting along with Kendall, thanks to Carlos, who was quickly becoming one of his best friends. Kendall had pulled him aside the morning after the fire to thank him for taking care of Carlos, to which he replied, "He took care of me too. I guess he and I have more in common than I thought."

Thankfully, this statement was made as someone entered the room, and Kendall couldn't respond. Logan couldn't begin to guess what he would have said.

It had been three days since the night of the fire, and things had been much less eventful since. The day after the fire, the girls had insisted on shopping, and after dropping them off, he and Charlie had gone to Alcatraz to tour the island. The other guys had gone to rehearsal, and Logan could see that it wasn't his place to intrude. He didn't mind spending time with Charlie, who actually wasn't so different from him, just a little vulgar and less intelligent.

Charlie had shockingly known a lot about the island, and mentioned facts about criminals the tour guide missed, sort of an amateur historian on Dillinger and Capone. Logan even managed to forget that somewhere Kendall and the guys were rehearsing, and let himself enjoy his time touring San Francisco. He took a few shots of the Golden Gate Bridge to show the boys, before he and Charlie went to a bar to wait for the girls to call.

The next day had been spent on the beach, relaxing under the cloudless sky. Logan had spent most of his time observing the actions of the others, who had been anxious to enjoy the amazing weather.

Noah and Addison had spent their time curled up in the shade of a tree, whispering quietly to each other. Every once in a while, somebody would go over to talk to them and they would welcome them, but they seemed content to be together. So were Charlie and Maria, who had been acting like teenagers the whole trip. Maria had tried to tan, swatting Charlie away at every opportunity, until finally he convinced her to go back to the beach house while it was empty.

Lucy had pulled Kendall toward the water before he'd even put his towel down, eventually wearing him down until he was waist deep in the ocean, defending himself against each playful splash she sent his way. Logan admired the way the water glinted off his back in the sunlight and wondered if it would be dangerous to get any closer.

Carlos followed them out, after an unsuccessful bid to get Logan in the water. For now Logan was content to be left to his thoughts as he let the sun warm his skin. He'd been doing a lot of thinking lately, about what he should do with his life. He'd been stalled, he'd like to say since the money troubles, but it had actually been much longer. Six years, if his math was accurate.

Once again, he considered going back to work, or possibly going to school to become a doctor, but the money for that simply didn't exist. He once again realized just how sheltered he'd been for so many years, and he was ashamed of the sheer naivety of his upbringing. The fact he was making dinner every night would have shocked him mother, who hadn't cooked a meal for as long as he could remember.

He even considered whether he should stay in California. He'd been staying with Maria for a few months at this point, and his mother had been asking him to visit for just as long. He'd told her that a visit was out of the question, due to the sheer cost of air travel, but if he were to move out there, it would be a different story. He couldn't imagine leaving the coast, but he also knew that his mother was lost without him.

He came to the decision that it would be best to call Aunt Elinor about it once the vacation was over, but that for now, he should be content to relax. Just as he began to drift off to sleep, he felt dripping on his chest. He opened one eye, to see Carlos standing over him, dripping with salt water.

"Logan Mitchell, I command you to get up and get wet," he said, before reaching down to pull Logan up by his arm. Logan was taken aback by his strength, disproportional to his small frame. He steadied himself, dusting the sand off of his arms, the shock forcing him to secede to Carlos's demands.

Carlos ran back toward the water, as Logan followed slowly. When Carlos made it to the others, they looked toward Logan as he made his way there, treading water. Before he'd made it close enough to hear them, Lucy began jumping up and down with excitement.

"What's going on?" he asked, finally coming up to them. Unable to control himself, he took a glance at Kendall's chest, wet with water droplets, and looked away before he could make it worse for himself.

"Logan, how's your upper-body strength?" Carlos asked, which was answered with a shrug. Carlos specified, "Well, could you lift me?"

"With what?" he asked as he looked him over, making calculations in his head.

"On your shoulders," he answered. "Could you lift me on your shoulders?"

He looked over to Kendall for a better explanation, and he answered, "Lucy challenged Carlos to a game of chicken. That's the whole reason he came to get you."

Logan glanced at Carlos, who shrugged with a smirk on his face. The guy had a child-like charm that nobody could say no to. Logan groaned, but he nodded his head.

They walked out a little further, until the water came to the middle of Logan's chest. Kendall went a little deeper in to make it fair, making up a little for the height difference. Logan could have told them that the height difference had never stopped him from dominating Kendall before.

They both ducked underwater and came up with Carlos and Lucy on their shoulders. Logan found it unfair that Lucy was so much lighter than Carlos, but that wouldn't stop him from winning.

"Carlos, I don't care if she's a girl. Own her," he said, as Carlos adjusted himself on his shoulders. Carlos mussed his hair in response.

Kendall had some trash talk of his own, "He's not going to have to worry about that. He's got the balance of a drunken squirrel. Make sure he doesn't break your neck on his way down."

Logan looked up and his eyes connected with Kendall's. His green eyes flickered with challenge, and his whole face showed his competitive side was acting up. Logan was taken aback, but didn't break eye contact when he instructed Carlos, "Take them down."

They carefully aligned themselves as Carlos reached for Lucy's hands, before Logan counted down from three. On the third count, he could tell that Carlos wasn't going to let Lucy win, whether he had a crush on her or not. It took all of his energy to stay standing with Carlos writhing back and forth.

He noticed that as the smaller bodies struggled back and forth, Kendall watched him, his emerald eyes laced with mischief. He had a hard time breathing, and wasn't sure if it was more to do with his emotions, or the fact that Carlos was starting to fight dirty.

After nearly a minute, Logan and Kendall looked at each other, struggling under the weight of the battle, as they silently asked each other how much longer this could go on. With a nod, they mutually decided to step forward, making the battle more intense, but hopefully shorter.

When Logan looked back up into Kendall eyes, he realized that he was close enough to see the droplets on every eyelash. He could see the flicker of gold around his irises. This was the closest he'd been to Kendall since the last time they…he drew in a short breath before refocusing in on the game.

By now Carlos had his arms wrapped around Lucy, but she was doing a decent job swatting him away. Suddenly, they both fell totally off balance, and as they went sideways, Kendall and Logan could do nothing more than let them go.

They both shook their heads, before turning to watch the disturbance in the ocean where they'd fallen in. Almost immediately Carlos popped up, declaring himself the winner, making shows of strength that caused both men to roll their eyes.

His excitement lessened when after nearly twenty seconds, Lucy still hadn't broken the surface. All three stared at the surface, panic beginning to show on their faces, before Carlos went to plug his nose to go under.

Instead, he was attacked from behind, as Lucy launched out of the water at him. As small as she was, she tackled him straight into the water, and the other two could only watch as they struggled to beat each other to the surface. Carlos rose out of the water with her in his arms, but she wriggled free and made him lose his balance. The battle continued, as the men lost interest.

"Do you think they'd even notice?" Kendall asked, pointing toward the shore. Logan followed his finger, before looking back at their friends, struggling for dominance as the tide kept both of them from getting a grip on the sand. He was slightly concerned, but they were laughing, and he had a suspicion that Carlos was taking advantage of the situation to have his hands all over Lucy without Noah judging him.

Logan shook his head, "I doubt it. I think they're a little distracted."

He and Kendall treaded back to the beach together, and without consulting each other, they both headed toward the house. He wasn't sure why Kendall was going inside, but Logan could feel the beginning of sunburn hot on his shoulders. He went to the fridge to grab a water bottle, while Kendall disappeared down a hallway. He began to consult what they had to prepare for dinner, before deciding that it wouldn't kill anyone if they just ordered in takeout.

As he opened cabinets looking for a takeout menu he was sure somebody had hidden, he was surprised by a looming blonde figure behind him, and he turned quickly, very nearly hitting Kendall on instinct.

"Hey?" Kendall said, his dark eyebrow rising curiously. He set a record on the table and slid it toward Logan. Logan looked down at it, before matching Kendall's confused expression.

He picked up the record, examining the art work, before confirming what it was, "What's this?"

"It's the limited vinyl release of Dobler's latest album. I pulled some strings," Kendall shrugged, leaving Logan speechless. "Nobody meets their favorite band without something to autograph. That's pretty much a criminal offense."

"Kendall, this album doesn't come out for two weeks…" Logan said, finally finding his voice. "How did you…?"

"I owed you one," he said, his eyes boring into Logan's. There was so much they just couldn't say, but Logan knew he was referring to that one date. It wasn't his fault the band had cancelled, and he'd more than made up for it since. This only reminded Logan of how good he'd had it, and how little he'd deserved it.

He averted his eyes, before responding, "You know I don't deserve this."

Kendall hesitated, his jaw clenching in agreement, before his eyes noticed the redness of Logan's shoulders. Before Logan could argue, Kendall had walked off and returned with a bottle of aloe. He reached out to take it, but Kendall shook his head, arguing, "You're not going to be able to reach it. I've got it."

Begrudgingly, Logan turned and gasped as Kendall's calloused fingers grazed his shoulder blades. He wanted to tell himself that it was the cold aloe that affected him, but he knew differently. Kendall's fingers rubbed into his skin, sending shock waves through his back as his muscles remembered what this felt like, as if it'd been just yesterday that Kendall was rubbing his shoulders after a stressful session of EMT training.

He could feel the calloused fingers slow down, and he knew that Kendall was following his same train of thought. He turned, staring up at him, exasperated, "Why are you being nice to me? How can you…after what I did…"

He couldn't form sentences, but neither could Kendall, as his mouth hung open in response. Logan could see a wealth of emotions passing through his eyes, before he started, barely above a whisper, "Logan, I-"

Before he could finish, Lucy burst into the house like a rocket, with Carlos close behind. Logan's eyes bore into Kendall's, as they both found themselves unable to look away. Lucy ignored the tension, and came over to Kendall, attempting to drape an arm over his toned shoulders.

"Where did you guys get to? We were having so much fun!" she squealed, still hanging all over Kendall's frame. Logan knew he was the only one that saw Kendall stand a little taller, making it harder for her to hold on.

Carlos came up next to Logan, and in his peripheral he could see the strained look on his face. He wished he could tell Carlos that Kendall was no threat, but to do so would reveal more than he'd have liked. Carlos cleared his throat, "Yeah, we looked up and you guys had disappeared. What happened?"

"Logan was sunburned," Kendall said, as if this explained everything. Logan felt that the short sentence sounded suspicious, but Lucy didn't seem to notice. Carlos looked a little curious, but Logan had come to expect that from him by now. He could never tell what was going on in Carlos's head.

After the shortest pause, Carlos intentionally patted him on the back, causing him to hiss with pain, "Well Logan, I'd say you were pretty fried for a white guy."

Carlos took a step backwards, prepared to bolt, and Logan thought it over, before deciding that he could catch the shorter man, even with sore shoulders, and he followed Carlos over the sofa as he ran for the nearest exit, "You're gonna pay for that, Garcia."

* * *

The next morning they'd all risen early to get to the festival. Charlie and Maria had chosen to wander, and Lucy heard that a favorite band of hers was playing at one of the smaller stages, talking Addison into joining her. Kendall told Logan to follow him as he kept a slight distance behind Captain's Resolve, flashing a backstage pass to get them through.

The guys moved quickly to tune their instruments, and Carlos only paused a moment to introduce Logan and Seth, who seemed more interested in his guitar strings that social interaction. After the introduction was made, Kendall guided Logan away from where the guys practiced, to where Logan assumed Dobler was practicing.

Logan had made a few observations of Kendall this morning. He was wearing sunglasses, and an outfit that really didn't look like him. It seemed he was hiding in plain sight, but Logan still didn't know why.

Instead of heading directly to find Dobler, Kendall paused and turned to watch his friends as they ran through one of their newest songs, the one they were most likely to mess up.

"You know, they really want you to play with them," Logan suggested, watching as Carlos consulted Noah about a certain beat. Seth seemed to be retuning his guitar as his bandmates dealt with the details.

Kendall looked down, and Logan could tell he yearned to do just that, "But you see why I can't, don't you?"

Logan nodded, "I do. You don't want to be selfish. This is their show, and you don't want to take attention away from them."

"It's more than that," Kendall added, kicking the dirt. "Noah's got this complex. He really doesn't see it, but it's there. It's why I went off to do my own thing. I just know that if they made it big, even if it wasn't because of me, he would always think it was. That I had stolen his thunder."

"But for one song? I know Carlos wants you out there," Logan said, reacting to the hurt in Kendall's voice.

Kendall shook his head, but his face showed that he was considering it, "That's enough of your meddling Logan. Are you ready to meet the guys? They're over here."

Kendall led him over to an open-faced white tent, and Logan could hear the riff of one of his favorite songs as Kendall called out to them. A head bobbed out of the tent, and Logan recognized the lead singer. He was paralyzed with excitement as the realization hit that he was about to meet one of his idols.

Slowly, Logan returned to the land of the living, only to realize that both men were staring at him. He cringed as he realized that Kendall had already introduced him, and the singer was holding his hand out for Logan to shake, "Hey man, I'm Tyler."

Logan forced his hand up, before shaking his hand just a little too excitedly, "Oh wow, I know. I just…wow. This is…wow."

He caught Kendall smirking in the corner of his eye, and it occurred to him that this embarrassment was among his list of motivations, "Yeah, Logan, I caught up with Tyler at rehearsals and told him how much you loved their music. You own every album, right?"

"Yeah, I…every one. Even the bootlegs. And your cover of "In Your Eyes"? Fantastic man…I just…you guys are awesome," Logan realized he was making a fool of himself, and he tried to right it by handing Tyler the record that he had kept under his arm. Kendall pulled out a Sharpie, way ahead of him, and handed it to Tyler.

He began to inscribe the cover, but continued making conversation, "Thanks man, that really means a lot. I mean, we have a lot of fans, but few are as diehard as you are. Kendall told me you were supposed to come to a show a few years back?"

"You had laryngitis. It happens. I'm just glad you recovered and made that next album," Logan said, finally achieving complete sentences as Tyler handed the album back to him.

"What's your favorite song?" he asked, before calling over the rest of the band. Logan handed the album to each of them in turn, star struck by every one of them.

Logan gulped as he forgot their entire catalog in an instant, before remembering a song from one of their early albums, "'Glass Houses Sink Ships'! That song is beyond tight. Gives me chills."

"We'll add it to the set list," the bass player, a guy called Harry, added as he handed the record back to Logan. He was sure that his reaction had been what Harry was going for, and after lifting his chin off the ground, he asked if he could get a picture.

Kendall took his phone so he could position himself between the members of the band, and he stuttered, "I feel like CJ. Oh god, I bet you're enjoying this."

His green eyes glinted and he smirked as he took the picture, thanking the guys for their time. Logan and Kendall promised to watch their set, before heading back over to the stage where Captain's Resolve was about to go on. Kendall asked if Logan wanted to remain backstage to watch the show, and he could think of no reason to refuse. They took their position off to the side of the stage, as Noah ripped into the opening chord of one of their hits.

Logan couldn't help but think, as the set went on, that Captain's Resolve were really terrific. They were more than decent musicians, and Carlos's energy gave them something fantastic. He understood what Kendall meant. They didn't need him, and he would only distract from what they had. But he also knew that they really enjoyed playing together, and that one song wouldn't kill any of them.

Kendall looked off into the audience, and Logan caught Carlos and Noah, in turn, looking into the wings. He knew that they wanted him to play a song with them. He just had to convince Kendall of that.

"You know, more people will come once it gets out that you're here. They might wander over here for you, but they'll stay for them. You know that as well as I do," he said, nudging Kendall below his ribs.

He paused, as the band broke into a ballad, "It would just be one song. Maybe the encore."

Logan nodded, and sure enough, once the set was over they took a bow, before rushing into the wings. They paused just long enough to hear the crowd chant for an encore, before Kendall turned to Noah, "Do you think I could…?"

Noah smiled, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he groped for one of the spare guitars kept backstage and threw it at Kendall, who just barely caught it, "Maybe just this once."

Kendall smiled back, and the crowd roared anew when they noticed that Kendall was on stage. He caught the guys glance at each other, completely in awe of themselves, before bursting into a song Kendall had written back when they were first starting. Slowly, more people surrounded the stage, and he knew that the encore was a success.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Tyler, ready to go on. They nodded to each other before turning back to watch as the encore winded down.

"Kendall said you guys have known each other for a long time?" Tyler asked, trying to make small talk in the most insane of conditions.

Logan looked over his shoulder to answer, "Six years."

"Wow, that's longer than some marriages," Tyler chuckled, unknowingly saying exactly the wrong thing. Logan felt his heart cringe. "You know, it's not often you meet a musician that down-to-earth. He's really a decent guy."

As they hit the last note, Kendall looked over into the wings and caught Logan's eyes. Logan could see the sheer excitement he had from performing, and he broke into a smile.

He nodded in response to his idol, answering, "You know what, he really is."

* * *

The day after the festival, everyone slept in. Celebrations had lasted long into the night, and they'd all crashed wherever they'd stopped to rest. Logan woke to Carlos's head against his thigh, vaguely remembering a late night conversation, where Carlos had been sitting on the floor next to where Logan was lying on the sofa. He'd probably fallen asleep mid-sentence. Kendall had passed out on the air mattress nearby.

Once everybody slowly started moving, it was already afternoon, and Carlos made the executive decision that it was a fine day to go surfing. Logan recalled his lessons from Kendall, which had involved weeks of exhaustion and the taste of salt water in his nostrils. Still, once he'd gotten the hang of it, he'd had a great time.

After renting some boards, it was decidedly a guy's expedition, until Lucy asked Kendall if he could give her a lesson. Everyone, including Kendall, cringed, because it was a tough business learning to surf, and the lesson would take up, at the very least, an entire day.

Carlos offered to help, but as expected, Lucy insisted that Kendall was a better teacher. After all, Carlos had already mentioned that his lessons had come from Kendall as well. In frustration, Carlos trudged off toward the water with his board under his arm, and Logan followed, trying to hide his friend's disappointment.

As they took to the water, Logan realized that surfing was like riding a bike, and though it'd been a while, he took it up again with ease. The waves were great today, and he loved the adrenaline rush as he rode them through. He could see the other guys in his line of vision, and eventually even Kendall and Lucy paddled out, though he insisted she stay sitting until he gave the okay.

Logan should have suspected she'd take that as a challenge, and as soon as Kendall turned, she waited for a decent wave and stood, keeping her balance as she rode out the wave. The others congratulated her, but Logan caught Kendall's eyes, and it was evident that they both thought she was being foolish. Surfing was fun, but it wasn't a game. It could be dangerous.

The rest of the day was fairly easy, and Lucy began to take their advice as to which waves she could handle. Logan was probably the least helpful, as it wasn't in his nature, and he was still annoyed with her for pulling the stunt earlier. While waiting for another decent wave, he floated toward Carlos, who was doing the same while watching Lucy.

His brow was knitted deep and thought, and Logan waited for what he suspected was coming. Sure enough, Carlos asked, "What does he have that I don't?"

Logan followed his gaze to where Kendall was trying to help Lucy practice standing on the board, and though she was getting better, she still needed some work.

He smirked, "You mean besides a number one album?"

Carlos didn't look amused. "I'm serious. She just can't see past him. I've tried every tactic I know, and she just doesn't…"

"You're a great guy," Logan interrupted. "I think, given some time, she will catch on. And if she doesn't, she's an idiot, and she doesn't deserve you."

"She's not an idiot," Carlos said quietly, before smiling at Logan in thanks. They paddled over to Kendall and Lucy, and were soon followed by Noah and Charlie.

It was getting late, and the tides got worse as the sun went down. As everyone discussed when they should go in, it was slowly decided that the waves were getting too high and now was as good a time as any. As they started to paddle back to shore, Logan could see Lucy almost thirty feet away, starting to keep back, and he knew what was coming. He hoped he was wrong, but he knew.

Before he could open his mouth to stop her, she turned around and started paddling toward a wave that even the most experienced surfers couldn't handle. He screamed her name, but she continued going. By now, everyone had noticed what was happening, and Carlos, Kendall, and Charlie had all made motions toward going after her.

Logan was closest to Carlos, and grabbed him, knowing that the only thing that would do was add to the casualties. Noah did the same for Charlie, who fought him, not wanting to give up on his little sister if he still had a chance to stop her. As Lucy began her ascent into the wave, Logan realized that Kendall was out of their reach, and had headed directly for the wave, his strong arms taking him closer and closer.

He let out a breath as Kendall was pushed back by an undercurrent, saving him from the full force of the wave. Lucy wasn't so lucky, and they all watched in horror as she was pulled down. As soon as Kendall recovered from the aftershock of the wave, he abandoned his board and dove in for her.

The rest of them were frozen, until Logan's training kicked in and he shouted, "Everyone get back to shore! We're going to need some help! Noah, stay and watch Kendall, but _do not dive in after him_. We don't need anybody else playing hero. Just keep track of where he goes underwater, and make sure he comes back up."

Noah nodded, and Logan led the charge back to the beach. Charlie ran off to alert a life guard, and Carlos ran off to call 911. Logan waited on the shore, helpless until Kendall could find her. He guiltily realized that he felt more fear for Kendall than Lucy, and promised himself that Kendall would pay for trying to play hero. He'd better survive, or Logan was going to kill him.

After what seemed like hours, Kendall emerged carrying Lucy, who showed very few signs of life. Logan quickly sent Noah to get a towel as he made it to the beach, after seeing that Lucy was bleeding from her forehead.

"Set her down," he said calmly, helping Kendall guide her to the ground before kneeling next to her, taking in what had to be done.

Kendall stood helplessly next to them, before stuttering, "I think she hit her head on a rock or something. I tried to…"

Logan looked up at him soothingly, "Kendall, you need to breathe. I need your help. You have to stay with me."

Noah came up behind him with a towel, and Logan gave Kendall instructions, hoping he could pull himself together, "I need you to put pressure on her head to stop the bleeding. She's not breathing, and I need to do mouth to mouth. Noah…"

"I know CPR," Noah said quickly, and Logan was grateful for this surprising turn. Noah kneeled on the other side of her and waited for instructions.

"I'm going to do chest compressions, and you're going to give her mouth to mouth," Logan instructed, and Noah nodded. They proceeded to give her CPR, repeating the process four times before she gasped for air. They all breathed a sigh of relief, but Lucy remained unconscious, and Logan suspected it had something to do with her head wound.

He took over the towel from Kendall, and applied pressure to her head until the paramedics arrived. He gave them what he knew, explaining that he had a medical background, before handing her off to them. Charlie got in the ambulance with her, and they sped off. Noah told them he was going to call Addison to get her and Maria to the hospital, and Carlos ran to get the car so they could follow the ambulance.

Logan was the first to notice someone missing, and he found Kendall sitting in the sand, staring at his blood-stained hands. He leaned down to check on him, and saw that he was suffering from the obvious signs of shock, "I tried…Logan, I…"

"She's going to be fine," he said, trying to convince both of them, as he stared into Kendall's terrified green eyes. "She's on her way to the hospital, and she's going to be fine."


	6. Chapter 6

_This is the point in the story where y'all are going to start hating me, but know that Jane wrote it first. If it were up to me, the guys would have made sweet love on the beach in the last chapter, but I trust Jane, and so should you._

**- Six -**

Logan stood patiently in line at Starbucks, thankful that the modern world had adapted to those who were forced to wait for hours to receive a prognosis. He'd volunteered to be the first to get coffee, hoping to escape the emotional turmoil that was going on upstairs.

Lucy was fine, in the strictest sense of the word. She was alive, but she'd suffered slight brain trauma, and was still unconscious. The doctors were hopeful, but Logan knew from their body language that they had no way of knowing what would happen when she woke up.

Maria was harping on what they were all thinking but had the decency not to say, "Stupid girl. She shouldn't have even been out there with you guys. She never listens, I tell you…"

Charlie had eventually chewed her out, the most concerned of all of them. After all, Lucy was his sister, and he hadn't notified their parents yet, which put him in charge of the situation. He'd already come to Logan a few times for his opinion, both as a friend and the closest thing they had to a medical expert.

The discussion had turned to what was next. The doctors told them that she'd have to stay in the hospital for at least a week, and that was once she woke up. In the meantime, her parents had to be notified, and somebody had to go home and take care of the boys so they could make the journey to San Francisco.

The Harpers and Carlos had immediately insisted that they stay with them as long as necessary and Carlos had never left the family, insisting on running back and forth to the beach house for whatever was needed. Kendall stayed around as well, and Logan could tell they were both feeling secondhand guilt for not doing more to stop her.

Logan had insisted the whole way to the hospital, as they followed the ambulance, that none of them could have stopped her. Kendall, in particular, had pulled her out of the water and yet still blamed himself for not doing more. Ever since, he and Carlos had been whispering to each other, and Logan was curious as to what they could be saying.

As he was about to reach the counter, an attractive blonde blustered in like a tumbleweed, and accidently cut in front of him, not noticing he was already in line. As she opened her mouth to give her order, she finally noticed he was there, and apologized profusely before attempting to take her proper place behind Logan. He looked at her curiously, before insisting she go ahead of him, and helping her decision by telling her that he had a large order. She thanked him, and he watched her as she gave her order.

It wasn't attraction that made him stare per-se, but he felt a faint recognition for her almost unnatural green eyes, and dimpled chin. He knew, deep down, that he knew her, but there was no recognition from her part, though he did catch her looking him up and down as she waited for her coffee.

After putting in his order, he stood next to her at the end of the counter as they both waited for their coffee. She thanked him once again, and he smiled trying his best to figure out where he knew her from.

"Elliot?" the barista called out, and the blonde jumped, reaching for her coffee. Logan smiled, recalling the only female Elliot he'd ever met in his life, and opened his mouth to reintroduce himself, but before he could she darted off again, just as fast as she'd came in.

Elliot Williams was the daughter of Oscar Williams, a former coworker of his dads. He and Ella, as he used to call her, had been good friends when they were growing up, before his dad died and his mom moved them out to L.A. He hadn't seen her in at least twenty years, but he had no doubt that the pixie-like blonde that had cut in line was Ella Williams.

He grinned on the way back to the waiting room, before remembering why they were there and sobering himself. He was almost back to the room, coming down the long white hallway, before he saw Kendall and Carlos deep in conversation. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help but adjust his ears to hear what they were saying.

"Listen, when she wakes up, tell her it was you that pulled her out of the water," Kendall said, and Logan almost stopped where he stood. He continued to listen, turning a corner so they couldn't see him from where they stood.

He could tell Carlos was hesitant, "But it's you she wants Ken. I don't understand why you're pushing her off on me now after spending all week flirting with her."

"I'm telling you! I was not flirting with her, I was being nice! I don't like her like that, and you do," Kendall insisted. "The last thing I need is her coming out of a coma feeling like she owes me something, when I never meant anything by her. I can tell you like her, why are you fighting this?"

"Because she's in a coma Kendall, and we're discussing how I'm going to get in her pants. That's not right, and you know it," Carlos said, concern and anger evident in his voice.

Kendall continued to argue, "See, you care about her. And she'll lose interest in me once I'm gone. I'm taking Maria back to Los Angeles tonight, and after that I need to know that you will at least try with her."

"Why?" Carlos asked, standing his ground. Logan peeked around the corner and saw the stubborn look on his face as he stared Kendall down.

Kendall leaned down and held onto his shoulders, "Because you need this. I know you miss Roni, but you deserve to be happy. And Noah won't tell you that because he loved her too much, but you needed to hear it. Give it a chance, please."

Carlos opened his mouth to say something, before his eyes glanced over to see Logan peering around the corner, "Logan! We thought you'd gotten lost!"

He realized that it was the perfect explanation as to why he was coming down this hallway, and quickly lied, "I did. I guess I'm just directionally challenged."

Kendall turned, and his eyes danced with a memory (_That's exactly why I bought a GPS…_) before he addressed them both, "I guess you heard, but I'm driving back to Los Angeles tonight. I thought you could stay here to stay up to date on the medical stuff, and I could take Maria back to take care of the kids. I've already booked Matthew and Theresa on a flight tomorrow morning."

Logan nodded, and ushered them all back into the waiting room. Charlie and Maria were still in there, and she was trying her best to comfort him. Noah and Addison had gone home for a while, after they made Carlos promise to keep them updated. Kendall sat down next to Charlie, before going through his plan.

Charlie nodded, agreeing with everything, before Maria interrupted, "Why do I have to go home when Logan is staying here? I'm her sister, and I need to be here when she wakes up. Logan's good with the boys. Once she's awake I'll take over."

The others tried to argue, but Logan had found a way out of this stressful situation, and he was willing to take it. He talked his friends down, and insisted that everything would be fine. He knew how to handle the kids, and even with his background as an EMT, in this situation his was as useless as the rest of them.

Kendall turned to look at him, and Logan knew immediately that he wasn't looking forward to another six hour drive with him. Though they'd worked a lot of their tension out, it was always when they were surrounded with other people. When they were alone, the silence was palpable and the guilt weighed down whatever conversation they tried to have. It would only get worse now that Kendall felt his own guilt for what happened to Lucy.

They stayed until the doctor came to tell them that she would have to have surgery the next day, and that the odds were getting increasingly better. Still, there was nothing left to be done that day, and Kendall ushered Logan and Carlos away, leaving Charlie and Maria to see her during the short allowance of visiting hours they were given. She was still unconscious, but they all knew that Charlie would be better off if he felt he was doing something.

Carlos drove them back to the beach house in his car because in the rush to get to the hospital Kendall's was still in the driveway. It took them less than two hours to finish packing, and Kendall reminded him that Maria would be coming home soon and could grab anything they'd forgotten.

He was a different person today, and as he packed the car Carlos and Logan both looked after him with concern. His every nerve showed frustration, and though they all felt some guilt for not stopping her, Kendall was the only one who thought he was to blame. Everyone else saw him as the hero he was.

Logan spoke to Carlos in hushed tones as Kendall darted back and forth from the house to the car, "I'm not going to pretend I didn't hear what you guys were saying in the hallway. As subtle as he was being, Kendall is right. Take care of her, and things will work themselves out."

Carlos looked a little shocked by the insinuation, but didn't try to object, "I should probably give you similar advice. I've never seen Kendall so worked up. Well, there was the time…" he looked directly at Logan, and the brunet had no doubt that Carlos had worked it out. "Just talk to him. If he'll listen to anyone, it will be you."

"I'm not so sure about that," Logan said, shaking his head as he watched Kendall load the last of the bags into his trunk.

Carlos put a hand on his shoulder, forcing the taller man to look at him, "Trust me."

Logan wanted to argue, to tell his friend exactly why Kendall had no reason to listen to him, or talk to him, or look at him ever again, and how the fact they could even be in each other's presence now was a blessing because he didn't deserve it. He wanted to tell him how many regrets he had, and how deep down he knew he'd never find love because he'd had it and he'd thrown it away. Logan knew he could tell Carlos everything. But Kendall was walking in the door, intent on leaving as soon as possible, and all he could do was nod.

Carlos walked them out to the car, and Logan considered begging him to join them, but knew that he wouldn't leave Lucy now. Instead, he climbed in on the passenger side as Kendall said goodbye, no doubt telling Carlos to keep him up to date if anything changed. They hugged, and as Kendall got in the car, Logan caught a set of brown eyes staring at him hopefully, though he knew Carlos shouldn't have his hopes up.

He realized he was leaning toward the door and away from the man next to him, but whatever progress they'd made up until the accident had been thrown off, and he knew that Kendall blamed the distraction of having him nearby for his inability to do more for Lucy. When he thought of it that way, even Logan had a hard time not blaming them for her injuries.

After driving for ten minutes, pulling out into what happened to be rush hour traffic, he cleared his throat, knowing that awkward conversation had to be better than awkward silence, and Kendall glanced at him before staring back at the road.

"Apart from…I hope your experience in San Fran was worthwhile," he started, before glancing at the man in his passenger seat. Logan couldn't help but smile. Apart from the obvious downside to their trip, the whole week had been perfect. For a minute there, he'd even thought that…

But Kendall's eyes were cold and cordial. He was too busy thinking of Lucy to give him a second thought, and not for the first time, he couldn't help but be a little jealous of the way she took his attention.

"I still can't believe you introduced me to Dobler," he added, hoping that it would trigger a worthwhile conversation, and maybe some warmer feelings. "How did you even remember that I liked them?"

"I remember a lot of things," he answered quietly, before realizing the road he was leading them down and changing his path. "Like the fact you introduced me to their music in the first place. I guess we're even now."

Logan knew he was talking about the music, but he wondered just how even they were. Was it possible that Kendall had finally forgiven him for his misgivings all those years ago? Maybe he had seen the way he'd spent all that time regretting his decision, and was willing to give it another shot? Maybe, but he was much too afraid to ask.

Kendall turned up the stereo, one of his expertly crafted playlists, before he noticed that Logan was beginning to nod off already. He smirked a little, before adding quietly, "Why don't you sleep for a while? That way if I get tired we can switch off."

Given a reason, Logan nodded, before leaning his head against the passenger window and quickly falling asleep. He dreamed easily of a happier time in his life, driving through the night with Kendall by his side, and it was evident on his face as a smile emerged even in his unconscious state. Looking over at him, even Kendall grinned, remembering a similar memory.

He woke up a few hours later, now surrounded by the darkness of a California night. As he noticed Logan stir, Kendall pulled into a service station, asking the older man if he needed anything. Logan shook his head, but sat up to prove that he was awake.

While Kendall was inside, he couldn't help but look around, curious as to his surroundings. Opening the glove box, he remembered a time when Kendall kept their playlist on a CD in a much less expensive car. Instead he found the usual fast food napkins and road maps. A little disappointed, his eyes wandered over to the iPod that was plugged into the stereo system.

Looking up to be sure that he wasn't going to be caught, he quickly searched Kendall's long list of playlists, before he found what he was looking for. Though most of the categories had clever names, there was one labeled "LM" that spiked his suspicions. He felt a tear come to his eyes when just there at the top of the playlist was their song, a worn classic about young love. Scanning the rest of the songs, burning them into his memory so he could recreate the playlist for himself, he realized that as little as he'd deserved Kendall's thoughts, he'd had them the whole time they'd been apart.

He quickly put the device to sleep as Kendall approached the car, and put himself together just enough to function as the man filled up the driver's seat. Remembering what Kendall had mentioned before he fell asleep, he offered to take over driving duties.

Kendall shook his head, "But you should start talking to keep me awake. The last thing I want to do is doze off and hurt someone else."

The mood took a nosedive, and Logan remembered the promise he'd made to Carlos before they left San Francisco. He decided that it was time for them to talk, with two hours left until they made it home.

"You can't still be blaming yourself for what happened?" he started, knowing that his wording meant nothing with Kendall. He could layer bullshit onto his questions, but he was so perceptive that it wouldn't do any good.

For a moment it seemed that Kendall would ignore his question, but then he said grimly, "So you're saying that if I had made it to her soon her it wouldn't have made a difference?"

"And if you hadn't made it at all, she'd be dead," he reminded him. "And she's not. She's already recovering, and that's thanks to your quick thinking."

"It wasn't quick thinking, it was a reflex. You saw me on the beach, my brain had nothing to do with it," he said, insistent on his own guilt.

Logan looked over at him, staring at the way his jaw tensed with his own stubbornness, "Because I use my head, and you use your heart. And thanks to us, she's alive. You're a hero Ken, and I'm tired of hearing otherwise."

"I can't help but feel that I could have done something more, and there's nothing that can change that," he said, sounding sadder now, but still steadfast.

"Okay, listen. Guilt can eat you alive. It will send you to bed sobbing, and it will break to your heart until your chest physically hurts. And even when you learn to live with it, you still feel sore. So I'm not going to let any friend of mine go through that, especially when they are blameless. Maybe there's a reason for all this that we don't know. But whatever it is, it's not your fault. So shut the fuck up, for god's sake," Logan insisted, his quiet demeanor folding to his intensity, very nearly scaring the other man as he raised his voice to drive his point home.

Kendall was stunned into silence, knowing just what Logan was speaking of, and unable to form words that would make Logan feel better, though he knew that six years of guilt were not so easily lifted.

Now calmer in the silence, Logan started on a lighter note, "Maybe this is just god's way of throwing Carlos and Lucy together. He really likes her."

Kendall nodded, "I haven't seen him like this since…I haven't seen him like this in a while. And she could use a guy like him, somebody who's willing to give her so much attention."

"You didn't seem to mind," Logan added, a bitchy streak appearing in their calm conversation.

The driver rolled his eyes before he could stop himself, "She was insistent. But we're not going to talk about this when she's unconscious in a hospital bed."

Logan couldn't argue with his point, and clammed up, changing the topic to the past, listening to Kendall recount tales of his now familiar friends and he smiled at the way the musician lit up when he spoke of them. After a few very funny anecdotes, they were soon pulling into the driveway that belonged to the older Groves.

Finally faced with the prospect of notifying the parents of their daughter's condition, Logan turned to Kendall for support. He got out of the car first, and Logan followed, as they both marched up to the door. It was late, much too late to be ringing the doorbell, but they had no choice under the circumstances.

Mr. Groves answered, confusion on his face, as he let the men in. Logan explained their circumstances, along with Lucy's condition, before Kendall took over, explaining that he'd drive them to the airport as soon as they were ready, and that he'd already booked their flight.

After much discussion, the men left the Groves to get their things together, as they carried a sleeping CJ and Ethan back to their parents' house, where Logan would be in charge of them for a few days. He had no problem taking care of the boys, though Kendall asked to be sure before he left.

Pausing in the doorway before heading back to take the Groves to the airport, Kendall hesitated before telling Logan something he'd held off as long as he could, "Listen, Logan, I was going to mention it after the trip, but…things have obviously changed. I'm going on a promotional tour in Asia, and I'm going to be gone for a while. I just thought I'd say goodbye."

Unable to assemble his thoughts, Logan added, "If you get any news from San Francisco, be sure to let me know."

The taller man nodded, ignoring his aversion to goodbyes. Logan was glad that it wasn't mentioned, because after all this time, he still didn't like saying goodbye to Kendall.

* * *

Logan slept in the next morning, though he woke up early to a text message from Carlos, telling him that Lucy had woken up and was improving quickly. A few minutes later, he received a more surprising call, from Kendall, who wanted to make sure that he'd gotten the news. The pause at the end signaled that he didn't want to hang up, but with nothing else to say, Kendall made his apologies and repeated his goodbye from the night before, before the line went dead.

After that, Logan had a hard time falling back asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_I know you'd all thought I'd forgotten about this story, but I have not. Like the rest of you, I need to make it to the happy ending. I wish it could come sooner. But every chapter is a step in the right direction right?_

**- Seven -**

Holding Ethan upside down as CJ clung to his leg, Logan wondered how he'd ever survived the week with the boys, who were, in no uncertain terms, attached to him. Feeling the vibration in his pocket, he set Ethan down carefully before telling the boys to play in the expansive backyard, where they would hopefully work out some of their massive amounts of energy.

Finally able to reach his phone, he answered without looking at the screen, catching it on what was likely the last ring to find that it was his Aunt Elinor, who he'd forgotten to call for a few days, what with the temporary duties of a single father.

"How are the little beasts?" she started, and Logan chuckled as the boys wrestled, thankfully on the soft lawn rather than the hard patio. He watched carefully, waiting to speak up until they actually seemed dangerous.

"They're rowdy," he admitted, sitting down in a patio chair to continue what would likely be a long conversation. "But they obviously miss their parents. Last I heard Lucy was improving, so well that they're sending her home in the next few days. Well, home isn't the right word. She's going to stay with Kendall's friends for a bit so she doesn't have to travel."

"And are the lovely Maria and her husband going to stick around for a while, soaking up the sun and letting you care for their brats?" Aunt Elinor jabbed, and Logan rolled his eyes, knowing exactly how to deal with her.

"They should be on their home tonight, but they may stop at a hotel since they're driving. I really don't mind the boys Aunt Elinor. I love kids."

"Maybe if you'd listen to me you'd have some of your own by now," she bit, and of all things she shouldn't have taunted him with this.

Unable to stop himself, he bit back, "And if I hadn't have listened to you I almost certainly would. Kendall's great with the boys you know. He'd make a great father."

"But so would you, and no child needs two. Stop thinking about that toneless guitar player and think about your future. There's a reason you didn't see him for six glorious years. Why don't you think about that?"

He knew she was wrong, about everything, but at her age it was senseless to argue. True, there must have been a reason it had taken so long for them to cross paths, but maybe the reason involved being mature enough to handle whatever they couldn't when they'd first been together. Or maybe she was right and he was simply perpetrating his own fantasy. He was never quite sure when Aunt Elinor was right, but she was always sure to give her opinion, and he decided to change the subject.

"Aunt Elinor, speaking of my future, I wanted your opinion on something," he started hesitantly.

"Yes. Marry her. I don't care what she looks like. You're desperate," she answered, only half-teasing.

Logan rolled his eyes, "I've told you Aunt Elinor. I will fall in love in my own good time, and there's nothing you can do to sway me on that point. I was thinking more for a change of scenery. My mother keeps telling me to visit her in New York, and I'm tired of taking advantage of Maria's kindness. Is it foolish to think that maybe I need an escape?"

"I know I'd get tired of those busybodies," was her initial response, but when he chided her, she answered more rationally. "I think that a lot of things in your life have forced you to think about where you stand on certain things. You've been given a chance to find out what you want and who you are, and in order to figure that out you need to experience new things and new places and new people. Is that fair?"

"That's definitely fair Aunt Elinor," he praised, before adding. "You'll miss me though won't you?"

"I don't see you as it is Logan. What difference would it make to me?" she argued, but he could hear the hurt in her voice.

He wished he could hug her and tell her he'd always love her, but she was miles away in her own garden, sipping on her sweet lemonade and feeling almost as lonely as he did, "Aunt Elinor, I'm not going to neglect you. I'll call you every day. Maybe…"

"Don't say it," she said, and he smiled but continued.

"You should take some kind of class or something. Get out of your house. You're starting to sound like a Faulkner story," he suggested, and she shook her head.

"Makes a few friends and suddenly he's rearranging my social calendar," she muttered to no one in particular, but admitted that she'd think about it. "You will tell me what your finally decision is on moving to New York, won't you?"

"I said I was visiting," he said, pausing before admitting. "But I was thinking about make the visit…an extended one."

"Every once in a while I know what I'm talking about Logan," she teased him, before she told him she'd talk to him later. He hung up and thought about what the change could do for him as he watched the boys tire themselves out in the yard.

He'd already put a lot of thought into his decision, but he hadn't given Aunt Elinor his foremost reason for needing an escape. Like it had six years ago, everything and everyone reminded him of Kendall. But this time he had a perfectly good out, and it was true that his mother called him twice a week to beg him to join her. With Kendall halfway around the world, it was no good to sit and wonder what he was feeling, so maybe it would be best to try something new.

New York would be interesting, it would be exciting, and maybe it would be just what he needed for all the gears to fall into place.

* * *

After a week of arguing with his cousin, Logan finally convinced them that the change of coasts was what he needed, and they promised he could keep his things there until he figured out just what he was going to do. It would have been foolish to bring everything with him to New York when he wasn't sure it would work out, though he was hopeful that it would.

His mother had been delighted to hear from him, and promised that everything would be ready for him by the time he arrived. He thanked her, and told her he looked forward to seeing her. It'd been months since their separation, and that was weeks longer than they'd ever been apart before. As absent-minded as his mother was, she was still his mother, and she wanted the best for him.

Before he could leave, he made sure to check in on Mrs. Knight and Katie, who he'd only talked to so much while Kendall had been around. The few moments here and there had been more than he'd gotten when they'd dated, though it was as much his fault as it was Kendall's. He told himself that he was visiting to check in on his mother's house, but he also wanted to check in on them for Kendall's sake, though he knew that as the man of the house Kendall would be keeping tabs on them from wherever he was in the world. It was another thing he'd learned from his year with Kendall, that he was more protective of his family than nearly anything else. He would surely appreciate Logan's interest in them now.

When he arrived, Mrs. Knight was on her way out. She'd found a small group of friends since moving to L.A. and he had to wonder if she and Katie would choose to move out here for good. Kendall had always made it sound temporary, but they were fitting in so well, and Katie was starting to model to help pay for college and soon law school. It was hard to imagine getting many modeling gigs in rural Minnesota.

Mrs. Knight told him to make himself comfortable, considering it was his home, before making Katie promise to be a good hostess. She rolled her eyes, but her good natured smile showed that she intended to comply. As soon as her mother left, she led Logan to the kitchen, where she grabbed two glasses and a pitcher of sweet tea before directing him toward the patio. It had always been his favorite part of the house, and he didn't argue as he sat down at the table, quickly eyeing his mother's dolphin mosaic with a smile.

"Your precious porcelain porpoises are safe," she teased, and he looked up, smiling without argument. He knew they were tacky, but his mother's gaudy taste so familiar that he found it second nature. Though he took it well, Katie quickly apologized, "That was rude. Mom and Kendall keep telling me I need to keep it in check, but I don't have a filter. I'm working on it."

"No, it's fine. You're honest. There are worse things to be," he told her, smiling to show he meant it, before adding, "You're a lot like Kendall in that respect."

She stared at him for a moment from under long lashes, and he felt on edge, like she was staring into his soul, "How much do you appreciate honesty?"

"Now you're scaring me," he admitted, only half-joking as he took a nervous sip from his glass. Katie hesitated, not sure how to word her question before she finally came out with it.

"You're not into girls, are you Logan?" she asked, and he nearly spit his drink all over her. She grinned at the look on his face, amused by how her question had caught him off guard.

"Why would you think that?" he charged, trying to calm his own nerves.

She had no trouble answering with a grocery list of reasons, "Well Lucy went on and on about how you'd never given her the time of day, and from how persistent she can get, I assumed there was more to it than personal taste. You also completely ignored what I'm wearing, which says a lot."

He looked to see that she was wearing very little, a bikini top and shorts that would have been hard-pressed to reach her wrists, let alone her fingertips. She was tan and fit, necessary for a modeling career, and the way she was leaning over would have given him the perfect view had he cared to look. Instead he leaned back to avoid the line of vision, wanting nothing more than to tell her to cover up. She was Kendall's baby sister after all.

"So because I'm not a pervert, I have to be gay?" he cautioned, sounding less offended than he intended. Deep down, he was surprised this confrontation had taken so long, and that it had come from a source that knew so little of him.

She had the decency to look down, tracing the rim of her glass, "It's not just that. It's…you have this look. I don't know how everyone else is so oblivious to it, but when you talk about my brother…it's especially obvious in your eyes. It's almost as if they brighten up just thinking about him."

He knew he couldn't argue, so he remained silent as she went on, the silence confirming her theory, "At first I thought you had a crush on him. It would have been understandable. He might be my brother, but I'm not oblivious to the fact he's attractive and charming. I've seen enough women fall at his feet, just to see him pick them up and send them on their way. At first I assumed he was being a gentleman. That he was simply waiting for the right one."

_Or he'd found him and gotten his heart broken_, Logan finished in his head, once again feeling the guilt for what he'd done to both of them.

Katie continued, gaining strength with every word, "But then I caught him looking at you, the same way you looked at him. Never when you were watching, but his whole face just changed when he looked at you. And it occurred to me that maybe he was still waiting for the right one, but not in the way I'd first thought. I thought about his abrupt move from Los Angeles six years ago, and how I'd met him during his layover in Minneapolis. I remember he looked like hell, but he wouldn't tell me why, and I imagined he'd gotten his heart broken. What I hadn't expected was all of this."

She motioned to him, and he shook his head, "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Well for starters, a girl never gets tired of hearing that she's right. Start with that," she answered, one side of her lips pulled into a grin.

He exhaled, and unable to stop himself, he admitted, "Yes. Kendall and I were involved. But nobody knows apart from us. And maybe Carlos. I can never seem to tell what he's thinking, but I'm pretty sure he knows."

"Carlos is pretty great," she answered, letting the conversation pause awkwardly before going on. "You guys had it bad for each other didn't you? That explains why you both seemed so frazzled when we forced you to be in the same room together. It must have been horrible."

"Tell me something I don't know," he interjected, and she thought for a moment before leaning forward to answer a statement that he'd meant to be rhetorical.

"I know that my brother is ready to find someone. He's tired of being alone, and I don't blame him. I also know that he deserves somebody who wants to be with him whatever the cost," she paused, and he wondered exactly how much she'd deduced. "But I also know that he wants you. Whether you end up together in the end is not up to me, but I can see that you want each other. Which is why you're both idiots."

"I'll try not to be insulted," he tried weakly, knowing that she had him pinned.

"Oh no, that time I meant to insult you. We've been living here three months and neither of you have made a move. You've just been angsty and hopeless and my god…it's like a Brontë novel or something. I don't care what happened six years ago. If you still have feelings for each other, you should be doing something about it."

He didn't want to listen to her reasoning. After all she had no idea what had gone on between them. Even when he thought about trying to rekindle the fire that had once burned between them, it was always with the afterthought that they might never be able to get past what he'd done. That it would come up in the middle of arguments and leave him owing Kendall for the rest of whatever relationship they could now have. He knew it would be better for them to both move on, if only his heart would cooperate.

"Would this be a bad time to mention that he's in Hong Kong?" he added, trying to lighten the subject matter. Katie saw right through him and rolled her eyes.

"He'll come back eventually," she promised. "And when he does you'll have had some time in New York to come to terms with whatever is holding you back. And when that weight is lifted, maybe you morons can actually work something out."

"So you think I should go to New York?" he asked, realizing that he craved her opinion for a reason unbeknownst to him.

"I think you need to get away from these people who name drop my brother like he's some sort of common modifier. Sorry, I know, I'm working on it. And I think you should get out of your comfort zone to see if you're not just coming back to Kendall as a default because you can't find anything better."

Though he appreciated her advice, Logan had a hard time agreeing that he would be able to find anything better. Six years had proven that it was not the case.

* * *

Arriving at JFK, Logan was apprehensive about what his decision would mean in the grand scheme of his life. Over the phone, he'd noticed that his mother was hiding something. Immediately his mind had gone to their finances, and what his mother could be doing with them. After all, the accountant worked for her and could hide whatever she didn't want him to know.

She hadn't picked him up from the airport, instead sending a driver, which confirmed that she hadn't been as good as he could have hoped. He couldn't exactly cancel it when the poor guy was waiting there for him with his name on a placard, but he'd have to have a talk with his mother very soon. They were finally getting back on their feet, and all he needed was for her spending to throw them face first back into debt.

It had been a long time since he'd visited his aunt in New York, but even he knew they were heading in the wrong direction. The driver dropped him off at the front of a rather tall apartment building, easily recognizable as one of the more expensive ones in the city, and with no other option he asked the doorman if he'd ever heard of Jane Mitchell.

After being directed to the fourteenth floor, he took the elevator up to the apartment, calling his mother from outside the door to be sure that it wasn't all a hoax. She opened the door, beautiful as always, with a broad smile on her face, "Surprise Logie!"

It was quite the surprise alright, especially as he walked into the palatial apartment, which thought smaller than their house in Los Angeles was definitely bigger than his apartment. How she'd hidden all of this from him was a shock, considering that she would have had the apartment decorated to her taste (or complete lack thereof) which would have cost tens of thousands of dollars on top of the obvious cost of real estate in Manhattan. He was doing calculations in his head and trying not to show how panicked he was, retaining a smile as she continued to show him around the place, his heart dropping with every new room.

Finally she showed him to his room, which she'd had decorated in sand and teal because "he'd so loved the beach when he was little" and he turned off the sounds of the ocean that were coming from a machine on the dresser before groaning and throwing his body onto the king sized bed. Still smiling, his mother promised she'd come get him for dinner before leaving him to his own devices.

Groaning, he pulled out his phone to call Robert, the family accountant, to see just how bad it was. It wasn't as bad as he had imagined, but Robert warned him that at the rate his mother was spending money it wouldn't take very long. When he mentioned that he was staying with her, Robert told him that it would be a good idea to take over some of the day to day spending from his mother, since she did it thoughtlessly. Knowing that the accountant was right, Logan promised to have a talk with his mother as soon as he was comfortable.

Suffering from the effects of stress and shock, he curled into his bed, trying to ignore the thread count on the soft sheets. He was almost asleep when his mother came in to summon him for dinner. On the rather long walk to the dining room, she broke it to him that she'd invited a few people over to welcome him. He expected his aunt, but was instead greeted by strangers, including a man that could have gone to high school with him, but was pulling his mother to him around her waist.

Logan felt like he was going to be sick as his mother introduced the man, an immature combination of beach blond and body spray, as her boyfriend. The guy reached out a hand, and his mother nodded to encourage him, so he reached out to shake the guy's hand.

"Clay," the man introduced himself, and Logan shortly gave his own name before they nodded, the most passive aggressive form of mutual distaste they could manage with his mother standing there. He didn't want to act like a spoiled child, but his mother was far too old to be dating someone that he could have gone to school with. Especially when the only reason Clay would be dating her was running low and fast.

He decided to move past it for the time being, as he hugged his aunt, before being introduced to a few of his mother's new friends, as well as some she'd gotten back in contact with that insisted he looked so much older now. At nearly thirty, he couldn't very well argue with them.

Finally his mother led him over to a person he immediately recognized, and he smiled as the veil of recognition fell over her face, "Logan? You're…"

While he pulled the tiny figure into a hug, his mother explained, "I knew you would remember each other. Ella just moved back into town and we ran into each other. I told her you were coming to stay and she insisted on becoming reacquainted. You guys were so close when you were younger."

Surrounded by unfamiliar faces, even this glimpse into his childhood was enough to excite him, and he tried to console his old friend as she apologized for not recognizing him in San Francisco. She'd been there for the festival and had been forced to bring a friend in for heat exhaustion, which explained running into her at the Starbucks in the hospital. He explained that he'd been there for a friend, who was doing much better now.

"So this friend of yours? Just a friend?" she asked, and he could hear the flirtation in her voice. When she caught the confused look on his face, she added, "I'm sorry Logan, the years have been good to you. I can't help myself."

Pausing, he answer quietly, "Just a friend. And you're not half-bad yourself."

It was the first time he'd flirted with a woman in a long time, but she didn't seem to mind, blushing at his compliment. He still stood by his prior thoughts, that he would never find anyone better than Kendall, but if he'd known her longer did it really count? He knew he was getting ahead of himself, but part of him was tired of fighting for Kendall. Maybe Ella was what he needed, and the smile never left his face as he spent the night getting reacquainted with her.

She was studying fashion, and was somewhat of a reformed party girl. But she was sweet and adorable, just like she'd been when they were little. He even reminded her that they'd used to take baths together, which earned him a flirty slap on the arm. After all the drama and tenseness of trying to rekindle his relationship with Kendall, the no-pressure flirting was a relief, and he gave back whatever he got, hugging her one last time when she made her excuses to get home.

Hazarding a guess, he asked for her phone number, which she gave him with a wink. When he looked up, his mother was looking at him, a grin on her face, and he realized that this had been her plan all along. It was too soon to tell, but maybe his mother was right about something. Maybe this would work out. And maybe, finally, he could forget about Kendall.


End file.
